Just when I thought that this was the worst wine in existence, I was proven wrong. Whilst perusing my local liquor store to find the finest wine they sold Franzia, I came across something even better. It's wine for skinny gals, y'all! ( I assume it's for women because I cannot in my wildest dreams picture a man who is not already shwasted buying this stuff— totally not masculine enough.) Behold! The Skinny Wine! There's "Thin Zin", "Mini Moscato", and "Slim Chardonnay" (lame). If your frail little arms can handle it, you can get all three! And don't worry, sweetie, they're all white so your teeth will look just fine.

Now I don't know about you LADIES, but I drink to forget my problems, not to be reminded of them with every glass. I don't want to be shamed by my vices. And you want to hear the worst worst part? It's lower alcohol. So you're not even fat and buzzed, you're fat and disappointed. Fuck this shit.