The last few hours have been pretty rough. (Everyone’s ok, don’t worry.) Please heed the TW, and if you are not feeling strong/safe yourself, skip this one.

About 2pm, I got a call from my oldest’s school counselor. He’s been having quite a few problems in school, and he was in a meeting with his IEP leader (who he is very close to), the counselor (who he has never liked), and his ex-gf (who has been causing some of said problems). He got very upset, and told them “If I had a gun right now, I’d put it to my head and pull the trigger” and then walked out.

The counselor called the assistant principal (A.P.), the police, and then us. The police officer called CPS. He was found, still in the school, and escorted to the office by the A.P. and the officer. Husband and I got up to the school as fast as possible. Since my son was hospitalized a few months ago for detailing his suicide plans to his therapist, everyone took this very seriously.

When we got there, he was sitting in the A.P’s office with her and the officer. He refused to have anything to do with the counselor. He had already told them that he wasn’t serious, he was just very upset and lashed out without thinking. I do believe this. He was not showing any of the signs he did last year when he was seriously thinking about it. He gets very angry very quickly, and will say all kinds of awful things that pop into his head and out of his mouth. He certainly has problems, but he’s been working well with his therapist and psychiatrist.

Regardless, since he made the threat, they had to hold him at school until the CPS rep called back. The rep spoke to the officer, and then she handed me the phone, and we went over all the details of his mental problems, the hospitalization, school problems, family situation, etc.

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The officer asked me if I wanted him brought to the mental hospital, because she was prepared to get him there by any means necessary. I felt that hauling him in involuntarily would only make things worse because he’ll just go stubborn and refuse to cooperate, and it would just be an even bigger mess. As I said, I also believe that he was lashing out of hurt and anger, and not serious about the threat. Believe me, if I thought he was serious, he’d have gone, like it or not.

The officer and A.P. finally let us leave and take him home after the CPS rep made arrangements to come out and visit with my son this evening. The rep came to the house, asked him a bunch more questions, gave us some info on county mental health resources, got some signatures, and left. God willing, they won’t be back.

You guys, this stuff is killing me. I know my son is hurting and I have done, and will continue to do, everything I can to help him, but there is a point where he just has to help himself, and he’s just... not. He is, in fact, making things worse with these outbursts. I don’t know what more I can do.

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My heart hurts for my boy. And my stomach hurts from the stress of dealing with this :/