Part of me hopes the stupidity of my state’s residents is mostly due to chemical (Coldwater Creek, Weldon Springs, Times Beach, all the other chemical spills) and/or lead exposure, but I doubt it.

Side note: this isn’t the first shooting in the Festus Walmart this year.

I will add that if ever you are travelling on I-55 south of St. Louis and need somewhere to stop, don’t stop in Festus. Mullets, overalls, general feeling like you are in an episode of Married with Children.