Thank GAWD the Associated Press is on top of what really matters to all of us during these trying times

Oh Prince William is literally sitting around and doing nothing? You don't say!!!!

BREAKING: MARIAH CAREY SANG AT A THING

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OK, OK I'm being a bit harsh. They reported on lots of other stuff. I know, I know. I'm just tying to make some funny here.

And Halle Berry got married. To a fine lookin Frenchman. Good for her! For real. I fucking love Halle.