I’ve been avoiding doing my school prep and basically avoiding thinking about going back to teach. I’ve also left signing my contract to the very last second.

I just put together why. (other than terrible adjunct pay)

Psycho stalker student.

Last semester I got an essay to me about what an incompetent teacher I am (this student failed every test) and how I should learn from this precious little white male because they went on summer trip once with their parents.

Asshole showed up in my class while not enrolled in school to stare me down and giggle to themself at me. It was disturbing as fuck.

I’m not a fighter, I am a pretend it didn’t happen, get the fuck out of there, and move on. 95% chance of freezing, when tried to learn how to fight it was largely traumatizing. People have advised me to take Tae Kwon do because you don’t have to spar, and I can’t spar right now. New therapist is trying to get me to learn how to fight back, but it’s a slow process. But in good news, I got them banned from campus.

This is why I am nervous for the semester. I’m actually now freaking out about stepping on campus tomorrow. I’ve been teaching for almost 8 years now, and this person is literally 1 out of a minimum of 500 students, but I can’t shake being bothered by it. I can’t help but be a little worried about the next one. I also seem to keep gaslighting myself by saying “was it really that bad?” “Was it really him that showed up?” “Would someone really do that to you?”

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I’ve tried to think about my new class and it’s all students I’ve had before and they are a really great class. But my other new class with students I’ve never met, I can’t help but dread a little bit.

I’ve been practicing in my head pressing the security panic button. Letting myself be okay with the moment I feel anxious, let security handle it.

Let security handle it.

I’m gonna take tonight off, relax and finish some prep.