After four years of highly sporadic use, my OK Cupid inbox has met its maximum capacity and is in need of a big fat steaming dump. I felt the need to share this dump with you.
These are the men who fell through the cracks of my inbox, messages I never saw from those who were too low a match percentage, too young, too old, or too far away. Some are douches, some are weird, and some are surprisingly okay. As I set about the task of mulling through them, I couldn’t help but see patterns emerge and wondering and what it might reveal about me, about men, and about the climate of mating and dating.
My second compilation features those suitors who court either with the time-honored tool of flattery or the tool-honored tactic of negging.
You are hott!!
Hi, you seem fantastic.
You have incredible style!
Well go on girl with your bad self
hello, how are you ? you look lovely !
Hi :). You are one stunningly beautiful girl. Just wanted to say hi ;)
how are you ....i love ur cheekbones....collarbones and brain!
*Stunned* ... *fumbling around floor for jaw while trying to maintain eye contact*
Hey you have an interesting profile
Hello you seem like a cool person to know, would you like to chat sometime?
You seem like a genuinely interesting woman
I’d love the chance to get to know you
So this is what happens when I wish for a woman with beauty and brilliance
haha i’m still in the midst of reading your profile but you are a completely well-orchestra hunk of randomness with a dash of you are such a fuckin-weirdo & a sprinkle of quinnetic awesomeness & a smackle of stuntastic wonderfulness all & all i think you are a rather sexy specimen of humanoid dopeness, but all silliness aside, i think you are a really beautiful, brilliant & incredibly intriguing womyn with vision
& i would really love to go on a date with you & wanted to see if you would be open to that.
oh lastly, i thought you might enjoy these:
I’m Mike. I hope you forgive me for being so forward but I have to say you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on this site. I know I’m only 24 and I fully expect you to turn me down because of my age. However, I have a really big heart and I would feel privileged and would love to be the one that gets to sweep you off of your feet. With that smile and those eyes I just had to message you.
Take a chance on me?
Really loved your profile... besides being exceedingly beautiful, you seem like a perfect combo of artistry and intrigue.I’m Ben... have a great night.
I’m just loving your profile,, very intriguing, a simple, but I’m in stitches over your Friday nights,,, god bless you, an not to mention your dangerously beautiful!!!!
I can’t stop looking at your profile. You and your words make my heart beat a little faster. Not usual. That wasn’t meant to be a cheesy pickup line, and I see that it looks like one now that it’s written. But I’m sticking to it because it’s true.
U a r e tooocool. Love the photographs of u. Seem like an awesome person to get to know or to only know for a few moments. One of those people that I think everyone should get to know. Ya know?
I hope its not too brash to say very pretty photographs
hey, there’s a good feeling coming out of your photos :)
HIIII!!! PRETTY QUEEN JUST SEEN YOUR PICS ON THIS AND I THINK IT REAL SWEET&CUTE SO HOW CAN I GET TO KNOW YOU IF THAT OK???
I love your photos... you are incredibly photogenic...and gorgeous...
I love everything about you
Ok, I gotta hit the hay....
Wow! You seem awesome. I would love to get to get to know you and see if we connect.
Greg ; )
Best profile ever. You’re obviously awesome. And crazy cute.
Not gonna lie, I found you a little intimidating. You’re a handsome young woman and obviously you’ve accomplished a lot in your short life. But there’s also something accessible and human that comes through. It’s like: even Batman takes shits.
Your profile is concise and logical. I commend you. Is there anything I should know about you, like hobbit feet or a jersey accent? C’mon... You can be honest with me.
i saw your profile and you seem quite interesting.Since i don’t know you beyond your posting or looks and can’t say anything beyond that :) So maybe you can shed some light on this for me.
From what I can tell you are quite attractive but beauty is very common,,, What makes you unique?
Ok.. here is a question...
Let’s say we went to bar and you had to order us a shot of
anything..what would it be?
Ok your picture got my attention... If your personality matches up, I’ll book us some tickets to the Caribbean ;)
nice profile...please tell me that you are more than a pretty face...
Hello, you seem like a cool person, despite liking the Coen brothers. Your photos are lovely as well. Let me know if you’d like to meet up for a drink sometime.