Fluter is doing it, and in an effort to be more like her, I'm going to hop on the advice-asking bandwagon.

I've been subbing for music at an elementary school and preschool for the past three weeks. There is an open position, and I have interviewed for it. The principal has asked me to please continue subbing until they get things for the new hire (who could be me, who knows?) sorted with the central office and get her/him officially started. She says it will be at least two to three weeks.

Great. I'm flattered, and thrilled that they like me enough to ask be back as a long-term sub. And as much as I would be happy to take the job (I think), it's no longer an issue of necessity, since I'm no longer worried about losing my position at the church. Which means that I can have a bit more perspective about it, and simply enjoy being with the kids and getting to know them and simply enjoy it for what it is.

But here's the thing: Shiny does nothing by halves. Which means that I'm running myself ragged creating lesson plans and preparing for the school and also trying to keep everything running at the church. There is NO WAY to do both. At least, not for me. Not right now. So, if I thought the school was going to hire me, I would say, "Fuck it" and sub for the next several weeks and let a few less necessary things slip at the church (ie, actually do the 20 hours per week I'm contracted for, instead of the 40 I usually - happily - do) and then after getting offered the job, negotiate with the church as to whether I could stay on with reduced responsibilities.

But I don't know that I'm getting the job. And, after dealing with some of those fifth-graders for the past three weeks, I'm not sure I really want it. (That's just my lack of a day off for over three weeks and my beginning of fall bout with laryngitis talking. The 5th graders are a bunch of mean, disrespectful kids, and I've rarely dealt with a group this wild, but they'll be gone next year, so one group of kids isn't a reason to not do something I love doing. I think.) Teaching is exhausting, especially on the day I have eight classes. But on the days it's good, it's amazing. But it's not quite as amazing as what I do at the church when it's going right. And I don't want to jeopardize the progress I'm making at the church with a few weeks of slacking, especially not right now while my ministry is being so closely scrutinized.

And if I sub for the next three weeks, I can't do music with the church's preschool, and that's just giving me the Major Guilts. Huge Guilts. Far-out-of-proportion-to-the-situation Guilts.


So, yeah, that's my situation. I need to call the principal back and let her know what I want to do. Help me sort through my thoughts, please?