OK Uterus, you fucking {insert bad word of choice here}, you're not going to get the best of me. So - yeah! Screw you!

Look, I'm devastated, the Captain is devastated, but I had my night of falling apart and now it's time to get back on the ball and explore this left hand turn in my life for whatever it is.

My name is Smithwellette, and I am a Solver of Problems.

So, bad news first:

The fertility clinic that my gyno referred me to takes absolutely no insurance and upon looking up my insurance coverage, even my PPO covers precisely dick related to uterine surgery (unless it's a hysterectomy) or IVF (only covers Clomid & Femera, and producing eggs is NOT my issue).

By the way, please sign the petition to get infertility covered nationwide!

Just the consult is going to be $420. Fun! However, I went ahead and scheduled the appointment, anyway. We really need this consult because it will tell us whether we're choosing:

Door #1: Surgical intervention and IVF

This route is largely dependent on:

(A) Winning the lottery

(B) The amount of intrauterine scarring and if it is operable (we already know that both of my tubes are 100% blocked, but the nature of uterus scar tissue is unknown.

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(C) Even if it is operable, the growth of my scar tissue is very aggressive. How do we know this? The last time I had scar tissue removed (5 hour procedure - yay for me!) was the very end of July, 2012, and 18ish months later, it's so thick and blocked in there that they couldn't get a single drop of contrast into either tube.

This leaves us with a very short window to conceive via IVF with money we do not have. If we want to go this route, even with financing (unless we manage A), we're going to have to put it off for at least a few years, which puts us into a whole other set of problems of trying to conceive after 35.

Speaking of problems:

There's a rather large question mark on whether my body can even sustain a pregnancy or change in the way it needs to for a pregnancy because of the level of trauma I've been through.

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Which leads us to:

Door #2: Adoption

This is a big ass question mark and this is where I need a good old fashioned GT hivemind crowd sourced solution. I have about 8 tabs open on adoption right now and I have no idea where I should start my research.

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Obviously, I want to make sure that I am well versed in the state laws, requirements, approval processes, etc. before we take one firm step down the adoption road, and I have tabs open to the California Social Services Page and the Adopt US Kids page for fostering & adoption, but what other resources should I be looking at?

Also, I want to explore private adoption/infant adoption and I have no idea how to figure out who's a good agency, or how to find an adoption lawyer, or how much money we should even work to reserve before attempting (if we attempt) that route.

Door #3: Surrogacy

I'm open to talking about it, but my knee jerk reaction is: Dear God no - I do not want to be a Blue Wife!

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Finally, some good news: THE CAPTAIN GOT A WELL PAYING JOB AND IS NO LONGER BEHOLDEN TO THE FREELANCE LIFESTYLE!!!

Yeah, that happened about 10 minutes after I got the other news. What a fucking day.

I am seriously navigationally challenged GT. HALP!