There are people having sex in my living room right now.

The people made it last night and we went to a bar, then came back home to my place to sleep. I said they could crash on the futon. Then I wake up at 9:30 to the unmistakeable sound of people HAVING SEX IN THERE. My apartment is tiny. The door to my bedroom was open! I stumbled out of bed and closed it so the sounds would not be so loud.

I don’t know these people super well, and I am 100% not okay with anyone having sex on my futon ever. I hope to god they put on the sheets I left out for them first.

This whole situation is just preposterous! I am going to have to say something to them eventually but for now I am hiding in my bedroom and hoping they wrap it up soon.

UPDATE: I got up once it sounded like they were done and got dressed and sneaked out to Starbucks for breakfast. They pretended to be asleep, and when I texted from Starbucks to let them know where I was, they responded that they were hungry and wanted breakfast.

My mental response? THAT’S RICH, DEMAND FOOD FROM THE PERSON WHOSE HOUSE YOU HAD SEX IN. But I went back and told them a good place to get breakfast nearby and stayed behind on the excuse of having just had breakfast at Starbucks, and having work to do. Both of those are true, but under normal circumstances I would have gone for diner breakfast with them. So, this is my version of ruder than normal apparently—politely telling them where to get breakfast rather than going with them.

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I might text the girl later about the sex thing, or I might not. She is going back to her home country in a month so it’s not like this is a longtime friendship I need to communicate stuff for. Our mutual friend (the guy who gave her my contact info) asked me over messager “I hope she isn’t too crazy?” and I am SO. TEMPTED. to tell him what happened. Would that be wrong? That would probably be wrong.

Anyway, they are out of my house and the sheets they used are in the washing machine, so as far as I am concerned that’s a happy ending.