This week shall be known as the week I stopped taking anyone’s bullshit. Oh, and we get the return of not one, but two familiar faces! Last week was boring even though I had a date; this week I didn’t go on any but everything else was very entertaining.

The Brit

As the only returning character this week (well, sort of), we’ll cover the Brit first.

The Brit doesn’t know what to make of Jia:

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And last night he sent me a snapchat of this image with the caption “I’m going to order 24601 of them.”

Dork.

Now he’s bemoaning OKC’s lackluster keyword search, because it means we can’t see what a search for “nice guy” turns up. (Him: “Hoping for some fedoras.”) Or for “I’m not like other girls,” which we’ve decided would be the female equivalent.

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A Blast From the Past, Part 2

Some time ago I got a message from someone I’d been planning on meeting up with at one point but with whom it didn’t work out. He was interested in talking again, but because he’s looking for something super serious and doesn’t really live in the city, it didn’t seem like we were really going to work out. I said as much and we went our separate ways.

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Well, surprise surprise, who should pop up in my messages last night but this same guy!

(Okay, maybe not a good chance, but definitely a non-zero chance. And that’s why he decided he wasn’t interested in me the first time around.)

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I actually feel kind of bad because his profile was pretty good, and I think we could have gotten along. But I’m not about to reward that kind of behavior by saying “oh, you’re right, I don’t know what I’m looking for, let’s go on a date.” I might have changed my mind if he’d responded to my initial message by saying “That’s fine, I understand. Though if it makes a difference, I’m super metro-accessible.” But as it is, so far all he’s shown me is an inability to take no for an answer.

My New Favorite Message

Some background here: Under the “You should message me if” section of my profile, I say, “I’m really only looking for someone who lives in DC or one of the close suburbs. Baltimore doesn’t count.” I also say that I’m highly unlikely to respond if a) you’re outside my listed age range, b) we’re under a 70% match, or c) you don’t show me in your message that you’ve actually read my profile.

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That last line is probably one of my favorite messages I’ve ever gotten on OKC. I think I clapped when I read it.

For anyone who might be thinking I was too hard on him: I’d like to highlight the part where he says, “I also thought that a 45 minute drive would not be such as massive deal breaker” despite the fact that I explicitly said it was a dealbreaker. Here we see another example of a guy who thinks that he knows what I want better than I do.

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Also, “You shouldn’t be so closed minded” is some bullshit. I can date or not date whomever I damn well please, thank you very much.

Fun With Quickmatch, Part 2

I went through and did some more Quickmatching, even though now that I think about it, nothing good really came of it last time. (I think I got Francois, he of the horribly awkward second date, out of that round. But that’s it.)

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Once again, I live-tweeted, so feel free to scroll back for exciting tweets about hairless cats and how much I hate all men.

Some highlights:

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Verdict: Yes, yes he did.

I gave this guy a like, but then it turned out to be a mutual like and then he messaged me and now I have to have a conversation with him even though I really only liked him because he had a baby goat in his photo. Oops.

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I did find one guy who had a really great profile. We were a mutual like, and he messaged me within about five minutes (while I was still trying to figure out a message to send him). And he seems really great, except:

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Really? Really?? Ugh.

I mean, I’ll probably keep talking to him, and I’ll probably even go out with him if he doesn’t seem awful in any other way because he’s cute and I’m a terrible person. Though I may need to look through his questions to figure out if he’s a libertarian.

The Rest

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I’ve seen this message before (first entry under “The Rest”):

Mmhmm. I’m sure you deactivated because you met someone and then created a new account from scratch three weeks later just for funsies. At least he was polite about it, though.

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I politely told a guy I didn’t think we were a great match, at which point he responded with:

Well... uhhh, according to OKC’s highly sophisticated, all encompassing matching algorithm, of which I’ve only heard fawning praise for it’s predictive accuracy, we are a fairly respectable 89 % match...

And then he proceeded to list a bunch of reasons why he thought I should find him interesting/attractive. He did end it with “If I’ve failed in making a passable case I shall just say good luck to you too!” but seriously? Is there something in the water this week that’s stopping all these guys from accepting that maybe someone might turn them down?

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His response was probably sarcastic but I don’t even care.

In a message: “Have you ever read anything by Neil Gaiman?” No, I just list him as one of my favorite authors for shits and giggles. You found me out. I’m a fake geek girl.

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Until next week, everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go drink some male tears.