Welcome to Week 2 of Bonnet's Adventures in OKC! This week we have the good, the not-bad, and the jenniferlawrenceokthumbsup.gif.
In situations where the guy's username adds something to our interaction, I've tried to change it to something comparable so that you get the full impression. If you missed the first installment of OKC Diary, it's here.
Date #3 was with a guy we'll call Sam. (His real name is even more boring and common, and his username is a variation of that.) Sam seemed great online. He likes to try new food, he likes to travel, and he's really into "big talk" and social justice issues. He started off asking me about the book I was reading and my job, and while those were not particularly incredible starters, we started having good conversations over messages. When those messages started getting excessively long, I asked him if he wanted to get coffee. (His response: "I definitely had a bit of a giddy moment when I read your message… that's probably only the second time a girl has ever asked me out on a date. Now I understand why girls like being asked out rather than asking! And, for the record, thank you for breaking the gender norms there.")
After my experience with WhedonPun last week, I was cautiously optimistic but on the lookout for red flags. He was a little TOO excited about how rapidly the book I'd been reading fell apart into a violent revolution. He explained the economics of oil to me with very little provocation. He's allergic to cats and dogs. But my hair was hella fine on Saturday, so I borrowed my roommate's red cardigan and headed out to the near suburbs. If all else failed, I would stay for a little while, then I'd pretend to have dinner plans with a friend and then my bangs and I would go to Costco.
Spoiler alert: I did not go to Costco.
We met at a crowded coffeeshop around 3:00 (even though it turns out that neither of us drinks coffee) and talked until they turned into a wine bar at 5:00, and then we went to an Indian place down the street and stayed there until 8:00, long after they had stopped refilling our water glasses. He paid (I offered, but he pointed out that he just got promoted and I'm an intern, so I gave in) and tipped almost 30%. He gave me a ride home.
You guys, I honestly can't think of the last time I voluntarily talked to someone for five hours. He's smart—he's an aerospace engineer and wants to get his PhD in systems engineering—and a little awkward, but he's also sweet and really excited about trying to solve all the problems of the world in a compassionate way. He listened to me talk about feminism and pop culture with what seemed like genuine interest. We both talk in tangents. He's Team Pie, though he considers cheesecake to be a potential challenger, and he likes Firefly. He's not wildly attractive, but the longer the date went on, the cuter he looked. (He's also tall. Remember me complaining about guys who say they're six foot? He says he's 5'11" and is definitely at least that.)
The only downsides: He lives way the heck out in the suburbs. He loves podcasts but said he couldn't get through the first episode of Night Vale (though he was willing to give it another try after I sang its praises later in the date). There's also the whole allergic-to-pets thing (though that would be a problem for Future Bonnet and Future Sam to deal with).
So anyway, he has my number and I really hope I see him again.
Date #4 was with a guy called xyzmusic (where his initials are XYZ). He really likes music and has "been called a hipster." We're a 97% match (whatever that means), and our conversation over messages was fine if not particularly noteworthy. We were planning on meeting on Friday after work, but his pipes burst and we rescheduled for this afternoon. We met at a popular bookstore/café not too far from where I live.
It… was not bad. He seems like a good guy. Our conversation was a little awkward at first—in fact, within probably ten minutes I let him know that I had dinner plans (I don't) because I just wasn't feeling it—but it got better. We didn't have the awkward pauses that had marked my conversation with randomguy_1234 (Date #1) and I didn't get the impression that we were just telling stories back and forth like I had with WhedonPun (Date #2). We were having a decent conversation… it's just that the conversation largely stayed on surface-level topics like places we liked in the city and why we had chosen our respective areas of study. I think I would have been far more into him had I not still had Sam on my mind.
He walked me to my bus stop, and we stayed and chatted a little. The way he was looking at me, I was a little afraid he was going to try to kiss me, which would probably have killed his chances for a second date. As it is, I gave him my number (actually just got a text from him) and the jury is still out as to whether or not I want to see him again.
Once again, a selection of messages I've gotten this week that HAVEN'T led to dates. I've now added something to my profile saying not to send me "How are you? Have you read anything good recently?" Because some variation on that made up probably a third of the (non-copy/paste) messages I received.
From a 31-year-old: "If you can forgive me for being egregiously out of your age range (though perhaps not so egregiously, if you, like many women I know, receive messages from 50 year olds on here)…" Translation: "I know I'm five years older than your listed age limit, but at least I'm not old enough to be your dad!"
A totally normal-but-not-exciting message from someone named Carl, whose message I got while I was in the metro after the GT meetup. OneLittleDetail looked at his picture and immediately proclaimed him a "Hill douche. HILL. DOUCHE."
We're a 10% match. The six things he could never do without are all cosmic brownies. His self-summary includes the line, "You're a five out of ten at best and I hate you." His "you should message me if" section says, "Don't message me back unless you bleach your asshole. And don't message me back if you use the term wanderlust."
From BigEgo: "You did all that typing in your bio, but you didn't let me know who "I" was 😩😩 lol.. Well I'm Kevin and you are?" Hi Kevin, I'm not interested.
From a shirtless guy with "denton" in his username: "Is that [place right near where I work, where I took a picture in the snow last week] in your main picture?" For some reason all of this unnerves me.
From a 34-year-old in a suit: "sorry too old for you ;)" Yes. Yes you are. Please go away now.
This message, where the green word is the subject I write about for work (and blue is his name). He hasn't responded.
This next guy was doing pretty well and had just talked about how disappointed he was with Zoe Saldana's character in GotG. He and Sam both mentioned in their profiles liking to go on adventures. I had asked Sam what his favorite recent adventure was and got a great story about going to South Africa for a conference that ended up being the day after Mandela died; he asked me the same question and I got to talk about travelling all over Europe when I was in France. I asked this guy and got the following response:
Hmm, my most recent fun adventure... I've never been to a traditional "concert" before, so a friend took me to a rave last week. It ended early, as one guy wound up fatally injuring himself (in a manner that doesn't make for classy conversation). But outside of that, it was actually really fun!
I… don't know how to respond to that. So I haven't.
jamestrombonebaseball: "It's a MATCH!! You have a really beautiful smile. I'm James by the way." Chill out, bro. It's just 77%. I never use a second exclamation point unless someone is at least an 80% match.
And from guy in Iran: "Hiiiiiiii" Dude, this seems like a really poor dating strategy on SO many levels.
Finally, because I think it's interesting, here's what OKC says about me compared to the average straight woman my age:
The very top and bottom sum me up perfectly, though I'm not sure where "less geeky" and "more extroverted" are coming from. Grandad, on Twitter: "You need to exercise more?" Me: "I exercise exactly enough, thank you. (Which is not at all.)"