It's been a while since my last update, but that's because the last two weeks have been pretty slow, relatively speaking.

Real Life: A Follow-Up

Remember when I couldn't decide whether or not to meet up with that guy I met salsa dancing two weeks ago? The one who looks kind of like Eddie Redmayne? I finally decided that it couldn't hurt to get coffee... and I haven't heard from him since his last failed attempt to call me. I'm not particularly distraught.

The Piemaker

I've seen Date #6 (code name: Pienosaur) twice since I last updated you all—one dinner date the Wednesday after our first date, and a dinner-and-back-to-his-place date that weekend. I like talking to him—he's totally happy to talk about feminism and the like, and the aggressive blinking has gotten far less noticeable as I've gotten to know him. And he's pretty. He's not stellar in bed, but he gets a gold star for his cuddling skills. I don't know if we have whatever spark we would need to turn this into an actual relationship, but I'm happy to keep seeing him casually as long as he wants to. He was sick this week and left yesterday to go to Texas for a week, so we'll see if he reaches out to me when he gets back. If he does, great. If he doesn't, I don't think I'll be hugely upset.

Also, I've decided that if this goes any further, I'm going to refer to him in my updates because a) he likes making pies, b) we talked about our mutual love for Pushing Daisies on our first date, c) while he is not quite as attractive as Lee Pace, he does have impressive eyebrows, and d) I'm not using the name Pienosaur to refer to someone I'm sleeping with.


ETA: Never mind. We're done. Just as I was looking at the forecast (4-8 inches of snow tomorrow night, temperatures in the range of "really fucking cold" for some time) he texted me a screenshot of the weather in Austin. Jerk.

(I'm kidding about the "we're done" part, obviously. End ETA.)

Date #7

Date #7 was set up very quickly—we exchanged a total of seven messages before he asked me out. He's a little on the short side and he doesn't use Oxford commas, but I decided to give it a shot. We arranged to meet at a Starbucks but actually ended up at the tea place where I had my very first OKC date.


My first impression was that he was a little awkward and that we really didn't click very well. He's nice, though, and we actually ended up having a decent conversation. I'll probably see him again, even if I'm not sure he's quite the type of guy I'm looking for.

The Best Rom-Com Ever

I mentioned last time that I had gotten a message from a guy in the UK who mostly messaged me because he came up with a good pun on my name. We started talking about silly things initially, and now we're sending each other 2-3 long messages a day. Jess has deemed this "the start of the best rom-com ever." #commentaryfromaraptor


Seriously though, he's great. He's smart and charming and funny and very feminist and Taylor Swift is his "favourite." I got a message from him last night that ended with this:

If this didn't make any sense, it's because I was half-asleep when I route it, but I like waking up to new messages from you, so I thought I'd try and get one out before I went to bed!

And then when I said that I also like waking up to his messages, he responded:

I'm glad you enjoy reading my messages when you wake up. I'm dark and brooding though, so I definitely didn't blush a little at reading that.


Sigh. Leave it to me to join OKC and find the perfect man 3500 miles away.

The Rest

I actually laughed out loud at someone's profile:

The six things I could never do without:

Coffee, beer, other people, steel bass strings, congas.

ANND butts. I love butts.

I forget whether or not I messaged him back, though.

This guy no longer has an account:


I got (and completely ignored) a "how are you" message from a 20% match/39% enemy whose name is (very close to) Killer4681. I haven't even clicked on his profile because I'm a little afraid.

Why do so many guys say that "wherefore" means "where" when they answer the question about it? It takes literally six seconds to google this and double check. See also: "Which is longer: a kilometer or a mile?"



This is really a rather excellently-crafted copy/paste message. It includes an excuse for brevity that makes you feel sympathy for him. "Oh, he's working long hours at a family-owned theater! I can forgive him for giving literally no sign that he even read my profile." (I can't, actually. I didn't respond.)

Finally, kudos to AuroraF for coming up with my response to this 70% match who has a hairless cat on his shoulder: