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OKC Diary #8: Snakes on a Dating Site

Illustration for article titled OKC Diary #8: Snakes on a Dating Site

No new dates this week, so instead you get some updates about familiar faces, plus some... interesting... characters from my messages.


The Brit

The Brit and I skyped for something like two and a half hours today and he's just as charming and adorable as he is in writing. A weird coincidence: In the unlikely event that this actually is the best rom-com ever and we someday get married, I wouldn't feel conflicted about whether or not to change my name... because his last name is the first of my two middle names. He also has two middle names, though it sounds like that's more common in the UK than it is here.


Also, our messages have gotten increasingly, um, smutty? Yes, smutty is the word. So that's fun.

Twitter is probably tired of hearing me talk about the Brit. Sorry, Twitter.

The Piemaker

The Piemaker got back from Texas at the start of this week, so I went over to his place on Friday night after work. I don't understand how he can sleep in his apartment. The street is really bright and he has the crappiest blinds ever. Saturday morning involved a nap.


Lord Byron

Lord Byron is the guy I met for coffee last Sunday and liked even if sparks didn't necessarily fly. Things are just not lining up well for him—we pushed our first date off a week because I was overscheduled, and then this weekend I had a lot of work to get done. We might finally manage to have our second date this week, but it might not happen until the weekend.


Here's what I'd like thoughts on: We've talked some about our respective writing and he wants to trade blogs. I tend to be hesitant to give mine out to people, so my instinct was to say no, but that's mostly because I'm not a good self-promoter, not because I'm especially shy about what's on it. I don't get an especially weird vibe from him asking; I suspect he is legitimately curious/interested. Thoughts?

The Rest

I tweeted the following on Thursday morning. I'm going to pull directly from there, because I don't think the situation really needs more elaboration.

Was viewed by a guy on OKC called SnakesinJacket. I have questions. Does he have snakes in his jacket? Is he a bunch of snakes in a jacket?

When it says his age is 40, is that really his age, or is that the combined age of all the snakes?

Can our outrageously low match % be explained by the fact that snakes have trouble with multiple-choice questions, or is he just terrible?

Is there any scenario in which going out with him might lead to me becoming some sort of snake-themed superhero?

[An hour or so later] UPDATE: Have realized that the guy's OKC username is actually SnakeskinJacket, not SnakesinJacket. Have far fewer questions now. Am also far less entertained.


I mention in my profile that I really like to get past small talk pretty quickly, which I assume is what this guy was trying to do in the least effective way possible:

Glad im not the only one that enjoys a tasteful deep conversation...

I got three messages—one generic opener question that I answer in the first sentence of my profile, followed by "hey" and a mediocre attempt at an actual conversation-starter—from a user named "vivisection" who was a 47% match/43% enemy. When I mentioned this on Twitter and like eight people responded with a variation on "RUN," I just decided to block him and be done with it.


What is it with the double period as punctuation? I see a lot of guys use it in messages.. like this.. and I just don't understand. What, they just can't quite commit to a full ellipsis?

Sometimes I see a username and know without even reading the message that it's going to be in this update. Case in point: "Jamesbondage," who is 49 years old and sent me the following:

Two questions:

i) Did you ever dare to lose control?

ii) Have you seen 50 shades of gray yet?

...Yeah. He no longer has a profile, by the way.

Hopefully I'll have more for you next week. Until then, watch out for snakes.

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