I got a run of the mill creepy message from this guy, asking me to play "a little fun getting to know you game" because he can tell I'm the "creative type, right?" So, I click over to his profile and just...I can't...even...with this shit. Here's the whole thing, unabridged. Please help me. I couldn't get past the second paragraph.
How often do you meet a guy that you REALLY REALLY like only to run in to a MAJOR LETDOWN?
Think of the last time you felt that spark. . . the last time you thought a guy was cute
and you liked his personality, but you felt something more:
you felt this magnetic indescribable attraction to him. . .
the vibe is good, you get to know him, maybe you kiss,
maybe you even have good sex! Things are going really well, when all of a sudden. . .
HE CHANGES! His "Real" side comes out, and it is UGLY!
The relationship ends soon. (it usually does when they change)
I know you have experienced this. Everyone has.
Guys might front at the start, they might claim to be different, but for some reason,
they always change. They can only live a lie so long right?
These guys claim to be different, but they aren't.
Often they are all the same. That's why you are on a dating website isn't it?
So you would say it's rare to find someone who is GENUINELY DIFFERENT right?
I'm (name redacted) I am different in a good way, I am weird down to the core (you've been warned),
and I can prove it by just talking for more than 30 seconds.
(just look at my photos lol)
Read below: Are these qualities you look for in a man? (They are qualities that describe me.)
Drug and Disease Free
Good kisser (you be a good kisser too please lol)
and once we are comfortable with each other
once we feel that spark, that connection. . .
Amazing Hot Passionate Intimate Long Lasting Sex
(Admit it, you consider yourself lucky when you find a man who isn't terrible in bed
*OMG DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT ON HIS PROFILE?*
YES I just mentioned sex on my profile.
Admit it, you love it when it's good
just like we men love it. When was the last time you had it?
If you are like me, it's been a while. . . Why?
because I am selective in who I date and I have to be comfortable with the person I am with. . .
Which means no one night stands please!.
I want there to be an EMOTIONAL connection between us, not just a physical one.
I am Self Employed, free spirited, open minded pretty boy.
Yes, I said pretty boy. And because of that, I get hit on by gay guys a LOT. ( finished laughing yet lol )
Haha, what guy do you know who would admit to that?
Me, because I am real and I speak the truth. You can appreciate that right?
That's what I thought
I am looking for a pretty girl with a VIBRANT personality
who is confident, sexy, free spirited, open minded, healthy, and drug free like me.
If this is you, by all means. . . MESSAGE ME!
Do it now, I am not going to magically discover you and chase you on here silly!
(I'm not desperate so I won't be using search lol.)
Sometimes the girl has to make the first move because the guy is distracted with life.
If you are laughing, keep reading. If you think I sound arrogant,
please know I only joke. . . but I am pretty confident,
I think confidence is a requirement to be successful in business and in life.
If you can't accept that then we won't vibe because this is me.
So are you going to say hi to me? If not, then DO NOT CONTINUE READING MY PROFILE PLEASE.
You understand that if you read on you accept that you are going to message me.
Fair enough? Read on and you vow to write me.
I see you are still reading. Great
You can't break your vow now so I will be expecting that message soon.
Oh and I like to move fast from "internet pals" to physical friends.
If you consider yourself a quality human who has:
standards, ethics, passions, dreams, and lots of love. . .
then let's meet!
Oh and if you are going to be a wuss and hide behind text messages
or wait 3 weeks for a face to face, don't bother messageing me
I like phone conversations where I can talk to a real person and hear your pretty voice,
and I like up close and in person hanging out:
it's the best way to get to know someone. Which leads us to. . .
Our first date!
You should know I am a fly by the seat of my pants kinda guy. . .
Hey get your mind out of the gutter and quit thinking about my pants!
What I meant was I am spontaneous, random and FUN and I take the lead like a true alpha male. . .
I'm not going to baby you and say "Whatever you want is fine with me (you can walk over me)
where do you want to go, what do you want to do today baby?
Please just tell me what you want me to do!"
(lol, that is what geek guys do)
I'm going to take command and say
"I have a surprise for you and I cannot tell you what we are doing or where we are going
but you're gonna LOVE it!"
(When I say this, I have no idea where we are going,
I just tell you it is a surprise because, well, it is lol, a surprise to both of us!
And then we shall go where the wind takes us
to create new memories that stand out
from the boring routine rut of rude, selfish, immature men you have been dating.
I hope you like surprises!
Look sweetheart, I'm waiting and ready to hear from you.
I won't be on here forever. I think I like you already
Why do I like you already?
Because you have read this far.
I know what other guys do wrong. I know why you are still single: You want better than average.
I know what not to do, so I might be the right guy. I know I am above average.
Wow, that sounded conceited.
While I am a little confident, do know I think all men are equal, when they choose to be.
Unfortunately many guys (and even many girls) have NO self esteem,
and they themselves belittle and degrade themselves and their perceived social value to others.
That being said, I appreciate confidence coming from you too.
Are you the right girl for me?
if so. . . well, quit being shy now. . .
Come on already! Message me now!
WTF. WTF. WTF.