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Welcome To The Bitchery

YOU GUISE. I'M DOING ANOTHER THING!

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I AM GETTING A NEW VACUUM CLEANER!!!

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I cannot even contain all my joyjoy!!

A fancy one, too! We're gonna splurge! LIKE BALLERS, WHAT.

Maybe I'll get something like this one:

Illustration for article titled OMG I AM DOING ANOTHER THING--BUYING A VACCUM CLEANER!
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Look at all the shit it comes with! Bags and hoses and rubber bands and shit! Just ready to fuck up all the dirt in my house!

Or this beast here.

Illustration for article titled OMG I AM DOING ANOTHER THING--BUYING A VACCUM CLEANER!
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OH YEAH. WIND TUNNEL ACTION AND SHIT

BOOM. HEPA FILTER. DONE FUCKING AROUND NOW KTHANX.

Illustration for article titled OMG I AM DOING ANOTHER THING--BUYING A VACCUM CLEANER!
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12 AMPS OF DIRT FUCKING UP POWER. SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Look. At. This. Motherfucker.

Illustration for article titled OMG I AM DOING ANOTHER THING--BUYING A VACCUM CLEANER!
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THIS VACUUM CLEANER IS DONE FUCKING AROUND WITH YOU, DIRT. BETTER GET YOUR SHIT UP IN ITS 30o AIR WATTS BEFORE IT GETS MAD.

"Oh what's that you say? Talking about some vacuum cleaners and you haven't mention me yet? Oh let me put down my drink and come shut this down."

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Illustration for article titled OMG I AM DOING ANOTHER THING--BUYING A VACCUM CLEANER!

OH YEAH. DYSON. SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT.IT.DOWN.

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