Beel is a dick, and terrible at killing people. I'm just gonna like, pour some concrete on you... not wait for it to dry or anything... oh you hopped out? Couldn't have seen that coming. Guess I'll just forget I was trying to kill you then.
And apparently he and the queen know kung fu.
So like, I know fairies lure mortals back to fairyland to trap them as hundreds of years go by but... even if you are a fairy? And every person here and the set looks like it was made with accessories from Claire's. Hope they kept their receipts, those butterfly hair clips break in 5min. Also I suddenly miss those a lot.
Annnd apparently all the fairies are actually like goblins. Idk what this says about Sookie.
But omg the only thing I love more than time skips is alternate universe arcs, but I'll take a time skip. Even though way more changed than ever did in a year thus far. And everyone got haircuts just to make sure we know it's the future!
Mr. Leaf: oh yeah Tara likes girls now
Me: She also now has a reason for being totally ripped! (er, boxing or whatever she's doing, not liking girls.)
So like WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED to make Sam lose his shit and become a total psycho cause I missed that somehow. Wtf. I mean I knew he was an asshole anyway but this is pretty extreme.
I haven't seen any of these meth were-jaguars or whatever the fuck they are actually turn into cats. Unless it happened really quick when I walked out of the room for a second or something. Ijs.
Ohhhhh boy, a Pagan group. This is gonna be great and by great I mean probably REALLY TERRIBLE. We already had one okay Wiccan who said "blessed be" in the most obnoxious way possible all the time, but I can't see that being the extent of it, cause I know one of these is the season boss. CAN'T WE HAVE SOME NORMAL PAGANS PLEASE.
HOYT AND JESSICA ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIGHT STOP THAT.
Beel's a king now? He's extra shady.
Oh Eric. Everyone went on for so many years about how hot he was and I never understood he was the comic relief.
PUNK ROCK BRITISH 80s BILL IS MY FAVORITE
Pasteur's a vampire lolololololol
So like, we're supposed to not like Bill anymore? I guess, right? Now that we know he was Jorah-ing it all along and he's Mr. Lawful to boot. LAWFUL ALIGNMENTS SUCK
JESSICA WHYYY NOOOOO
Vampahrs take necr'm'ncy v'ry s'rslah.
Sooooooooo now you got your witch leader possessed. GOOD GOING GUYS.
I'm really psyched for Lafayette to use his magickzzzz and I love Jesus with him. PROBABLY SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN TO THEM BECAUSE WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
OH METH GUY TURNED INTO A PANTHER! KITTY!!!! Omg kitties. The best. The panther turning method is.... eating someone's abdomen?
The fuck is up with Eric? OMG IS THIS WHERE HE GETS AMNESIA I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS. This show is finally playing to all the cheap tropes I love. HIS HAIR CHANGED TO REFLECT HIS ALTERED MENTAL STATE. THIS IS AN ANIME NOW AND I LOVE IT.
Pam is the greatest.
IS JESS AND HOYT'S HOUSE HAUNTED OMG is that why they're fighting cause it's bad mojo can that be it please
Aaaaaaaaaaand Halloween's coming up. I'm sure that will be special.
Know what Wiccans I know don't do a lot of and by not a lot I mean none ever? WRIST-SLITTING BLOOD MAGIC. Aaaarghghghhghghg.
Is Jason really gonna be a werekitty from now on anddddd is he getting raped right now?! WTF. WTFFF. THIS SHOW.
Irene Adler is back! Forreal you can't trust Faefaes. WTF ERIC BAD ERIC!!! :'( Bye pretty Irene Adler.
Really? Really we're going the demon baby route here?
Duuuude rotting Pam is not cool.