Welcome To The Bitchery

OMG: This Local Church Just Sent Me A Book They Wrote About Sex and it is Bananas II

I found the online PDF version And so it continues.....

Men, don’t give your wife the lame excuse that, “I’m not good at it.” Don’t you even dare play that stupid, klutzy game! That would be the words of a very selfish, lazy man. I am very serious about learning good massage techniques. You may want to get some massage training. I have personally paid for a massage five different times so that I could learn the best techniques in serving my wife. I said to the masseur, “I am paying for a one hour massage, but I’m really here to learn how to take care of my wife.” After 30 years, my wife says that I am the best masseur on the planet, and that’s all I’m going to say about that!  This single act of opening sex by the husband serving his wife with a massage causes many powerful things to happen between a husband and wife.

Why you spending all this time at massage parlors bruh?

Husbands, this frees you from feeling as though you are harassing your wife. Now, you are giving a gift to her. You are giving first to her. The massage starts the process, and suddenly foreplay is no longer awkward and tiring. Now you know what to do, and it brings satisfaction to both of you.


Unless it doesn’t. Then you are shit out of luck.

The other awesome part is that, once you’ve done this a dozen times or so, approaching your wife to ask her to consider having sex that day becomes easy. She will be ripping off her clothes before you finish your sentence. You will never hear “no” again. She will be the happiest wife in the world.

This is a really really bad take.

Suddenly, you realize that 100% of her resistance has been because you have been acting like the Devil instead of acting like Jesus in the bedroom.


There are no words.

Women are wired completely different than men! They have up to ten times the amount of connectivity between the left and right sides of their brains, and the opposite amounts of white matter versus gray matter in their brains than do men. Very simply, this means that, if a husband and wife both have 17 points of pressure in their lives right then, the men can create 16 locked mental closets and deal with only one issue at a time. Women CAN’T! They are juggling all 17 issues at the same time. They carry all 17 things in their soul at once


This is vaguely sexist.

I love my wife, and I know my wife’s ovaries better than she knows them. I share the pain of the curse of Eve that she carries. I have been able to reduce as much as 90% of the pain she has felt over the years during her menstrual cycle. I know exactly where the stress points are. I don’t have to have sex in order to give her a massage. When she is facing those painful times of the month, I will give her a massage many times in those few days. Her body and her soul are one to me, and she is the most beautiful human being that has ever walked the earth.


Ummm.......... Yeah.

ETA: OMG y’all. They have a racial reconciliation podcast. We’re doing that one after we finish this book. 


Share This Story