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OMG This Local Church Just Sent Me a Book They Wrote About Sex and It is Bananas IV

Another Day, Another Batshit Chapter. Let’s Go.

And now, Some Advice For The Ladies.

Many times the husband has gone to such a deep, dark place of depression or discouragement that he does not know how to crawl out of this hole. Massage gives the wife great freedom to exercise the authority that God’s word gives her without ever embarrassing her husband. First, she recognizes that he is at a very fragile place and that it might not be easy to bring him out of this place. As a note of caution, there may be issues of negative or cutting words in their home that are killing their ability to be one. In this case, they need marriage counseling before they can be restored sexually.


That’s right don’t be a naggy bitch. Don’t like massages? No one cares.

Let me be clear ladies, the Bible says that you own him. So, with charm, firmness, a smile, and seduction in your eye, you say to him, “From this day forward, you will give me a massage once every five days. This is not a request. I will give you a two hour notice that I’ll be waiting for you naked…on my belly…on the bed. And you’ll give me a 10 minute massage.

It started off ok, and then it ended weird.

You make it clear that whatever may happen after the massage is completely up to him, but that you are not pressuring him for sex. Each time you require this of your husband and shower him with praise for the massage, you are pulling his soul back to you. It won’t be hard. The praise will flow out of your mouth. 25 Chapter 2 – THE END GOAL You will be gushing, “Oh, you are so wonderful! You are so great!” Moan loudly and often!


But like... What if it sucks?

If he is massaging too strongly at some point you can usually communicate your discomfort by simply tensing or wincing. Afterwards, you will praise him again. You may want to rub on him some, reminding him that whatever happens afterwards is completely up to him. If it has been a long time, I strongly encourage wives to be gentle and patient. He may only make love one with you one out of three times at first, but within six months you both may be making love two out of every three times and maybe even every time.



After about six months the husband approaches me with a new spring in his step and lightheartedly says, “Hey, PJ! I just want you to know that we are doing great! I feel ten years younger! Do you know what I mean?” he says with a big grin on his face. He is literally bouncing as he tells me this. I grin from ear to ear because I do know what he is talking about.


I love how in this there’s no mention of if she’s satisfied? Does she like it? Nope. The husband is nutting and that’s all that matters.

My wife only went on one other date with one other guy before she started dating me. I married a very pure woman. We were both virgins when we got married five years later.


This is all starting to make sense now.

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