I was really pleased with myself for getting out of a bad working situation.

Essentially, I dated a guy I worked with. Normally I would not do that, but this time I broke that rule because I thought he was interested in me because of the work I do, and when people are attracted to me for the work I do, rather than my looks I find that really attractive. I take a lot of pride in my work.

I put my heart and soul into the project, and I slowly learn that guy only invited me to be involved because he had crush on me.

I'd met other people who didn't know what I did, they made assumptions about where I was from. They had no idea about my qualifications. I am qualified. It hurt to explain my background and watch colleagues be shocked that I actually had a background in this topic and that I was actually doing this stuff way earlier than all of them. Actually, they were impressed with my skill set. Apparently when they hired me, they didn't know any of this stuff.

Eventually he lost interest because I have issues, which I warned him about in advance and he told me he was cool with them. He was not, my PTSD understandably scared him. He wanted me to stay on the project because I did good work, and then it got ugly.

He started gaslighting and using my triggers to keep me quiet. He eventually sent a nasty email I had written him, expressing I thought he was a dick too our colleagues. Yes, I shouldn't have written that, but it was a personal email, which he then used to show that I was not fit to work. That I am a toxic person. He had been bullying me and my other colleague, I had asked him professionally before, but he wouldn't stop. So I yelled in email. It was not nice, but a lot of it was about our relationship. My other colleagues thought it was inappropriate for him to send it to them, but that I shouldn't take things personally.

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He said everything he could to make me feel like all the work I had done was shit. Even told me that members of the group didn't want me on board and I was only there because he wanted me. That killed me inside. I had suspected that I was only there as a date, but it hurt so much to hear it.

Every time I tried to argue, he'd tell me how unprofessional and selfish I was being. I was not. In fact I am very insecure so when I bring up issues that bother me I often ask people who I consider to be removed from the context to give a fair position.

So I left.

And I still feel like shit.

I put everything into this project and now I can't shake the feeling that I only got there because some asshole wanted to fuck me. The clients I worked with loved me. They've asked me to do other projects with them, and the ones I told that I am not involved any more were upset and immediately asked if anything fishy was going on. I haven't said anything because I don't want to start a rumour mill and then have it be 'well you got there because of your vagina'

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I'm pissed off that I had to leave something I loved more than any person because I dated a guy. I'm mad because I know I was good at my work. I know I am skilled. I know I am qualified. I know I have things to offer. But one guy made me feel like I got there because I'm physically attractive. It hurts so much. I feel so used.

After everything he said to me. I don't want to include any of this job on my CV. I feel like I really didn't deserve to be there, even though if it was another person and I watched their work I'd tell them that they did earn it and he's just a dick.