I felt a little lonely tonight, which is the first time in a while. I usually love the solitude I can find. Tonight, though, I drove past a spot I've fantasized about bringing a boy to—a little scenic turn-off next to the river that I drive past every day to and from work—and felt that little pang of loneliness. And then I realized that it had been a long time since I'd felt it. Is that because I'm happy?
I am a mean person. That is my default setting. I have to work at kindness. I have to work at patience. I adore solitude because I don't have to be kind to any damn body. Lately at work I've been content. I think we've found a groove in the coworker dynamic. It's nice. I don't know how long I plan to stay at this job, and I had a "nothing gold can stay" moment of realization. I know this happiness will fade. Will I be left with nothing but the stronger pangs of loneliness? I certainly won't be left with a boy to bring to the riverside. How do other happily single people keep the loneliness at bay? The answer is to stay busy, isn't it?
I think I'll clean up my OKCupid act and actually try to find a boy to bring to the river. Ugh. I'm about to start disliking "people" again, aren't I?