You guys, I have wonky tits. I mean, super mecha-uneven. See, one is fake. The other has been through two pregnancies. I have some hormonal thing that made my body not entirely sure which gender it belongs to, so one side of my body developed normally into a C cup, and the other side is apparently where I store my excess testosterone. I had surgery when I was fifteen on the one side. This was awesome for about 7 years, until gravity set in. Now every year that passes is another quarter inch height difference between my nipples. They're about three inches different as of now.

This makes clothes damn near impossible. Because I have to wear super-mega-coverage bras and pad like hell on my natural side (ironically, the very problem we were solving with the surgery to begin with except this time on the left) and EVERY SINGLE SHIRT I FIND either has a super-wide neck, or kind of wide decolletage, or is backless at bra-strap level (Why on earth would you not just have another inch of fabric on the top part so I could wear a bra? Is it just to torture me?)

I have come to the conclusion that clothing designers put a shirt on a model and take scissors to it until her bra is just guaranteed to show when the shirt rides, or maybe just widen the neckline about a half inch past where a bra strap will be visible no matter who's wearing a thing. I am positive that they build all tank tops so that the back only comes up to an inch below a bra line simply to laugh at us.