I learned something this weekend. I think I knew for a while but now I know for sure. My friends from high school are no longer my friends. We had drifted over the years. Me going away to school, them sticking around the area to go to school. I wanted nothing more than to get away from the tiny ignorant town I was raised in. They want to raise their families there. Do you know how many times my best friend has seen my baby in the year and a half of her life? Twice. Both times after I begged her to come over for a girls dinner. I told my girlfriends about my depression and that I needed friends to reach out to me because I isolate when I'm depressed. Those calls never came. A girl in their group was diagnosed with aggressive cancer and they rallied for her. I didn't get even one call after my attempt. I spent more time discussing their new puppies this weekend than they even asked about my daughter.
I told them about this little group of internet strangers I had found and that they have been a wonderful support to me. How I even went out to DC to meet some of you and I felt instantly bonded to them forever. My "friends" assumed you guys must all be mothers who have gone through what I have. The fact is not one of the women I went to see are parents. I wanted to scream at them "NO YOU STUPID TWATS! They aren't parents. They just care about me. Which is way more than I can say about you guys."
I think how did this group turn into such shallow narcissistic assholes? How did I ever think they were good friends of mine? I feel silly and stupid to be honest. So do I slow fade and just stop doing things with them or do I go out with a bang? A petty part of me would really like them to know how badly they hurt me. But the practical part of me knows they wouldn't really care anyways.