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By now, you know I spend way too much time on Reddit and — like all evil feminazis bent on keep the Fedoration down — spend too much time looking at threads I know will just make me sangry*. I'm also planning a wedding, and when you combine these two things, you have the recipe for my full-scale all-sighing, all-headdesking meltdown.

You see, on the mainpage of Reddit, women simply aren't allowed to want things. Especially weddings, given that they're just an excuse for that harpie bitch to steal all of your money in the inevitable divorce when she leaves you for a richer, taller man. (On the upside, you can probably grab some karma for your Scumbag Stacie post, so not all is lost, bro.)


Now, I'm a sucker for a sweet "I DIY'd the shit out of my wedding!" post. I'm glad that your hand-crocheted or Target bag wedding dress worked out so nicely. But, you know, it might have something to do with the Target woman being a fashion design student, and the crocheter being extremely talented, and not that this is a skill all women have and are just too lazy (and greedy!) to execute themselves.

The second most-upvoted thing on Reddit when it comes to weddings are stories from the hometown heroes who do it all for $35 (including gas! lol!) where they just went to the courthouse (because atheism) and then came home, ordered a large pizza, and watched some Family Guy re-runs. Again, if that's what you want then that's awesome; you do you. But when people tell you in all seriousness that if you want to have a wedding that is anything other than a backyard BBQ or potluck and that it will likely cost upwards of $10,000, they aren't crazy divas who are out of touch with the working man. They aren't blowing the whole thing out of proportion. They aren't greedy bitches.

What bothers me so much about the way weddings — and specifically brides — are treated is that we've had a deluge in the media for the last decade of "Bridezillas." We love to watch women screaming and crying because they asked for a lavender sash, not a lilac one. But my theory has long been that while I'm sure these women are real, and that terrible people exist everywhere and in all scenarios in life, what this deluge really does is allow the Wedding Industrial Complex to carry on massively overcharging couples to have the most basic things you could want at a venue wedding and then the media cooperates by calling the brides spend-crazy. Example: Did you know you have to pay a fucking cake-cutting fee? And you can't just cut it yourself? The fuck is that?


As long as we can pretend that it's all about women needing to have their exotic hand-painted lilies, we can ignore the fact that weddings have gotten out of hand and there is often very little that the couple can do about it. However, when you try to say this, you just get a wall of people going, "Uh, no, sweetheart. That's a top-of-the-line wedding you're talking about." I promise you it isn't. I promise you I'm literally talking about having a room where people can eat, and then feeding them. That's not some Bridezilla-level issue — it's the baseline requirement for a reception.

I used to happily sneer at brides with their $20,000 weddings claiming that they just couldn't keep costs down. I mean, of course you could skip a wedding altogether or do city hall and a nice dinner afterwards. But while I've never been the kind of woman to daydream about her wedding, the idea of having a day where family and friends can get together for a big event is a fun idea. It is something I'm willing to spend money on — I just wish it didn't have to be this much because the amount of money that so many vendors charge for the most basic supplies is clearly out of hand. So yes, I am making a choice — but I have much less choice than they seem to believe when it comes to the nitty-gritty finances.


If you haven't planned a wedding recently, I understand — to an extent — that you literally do not get how incredibly expensive so many of the options are. I get that. And yet at the same time, I can't help but feel like this is another issue where we just delight in calling women crazy and telling them — effectively — that they just aren't allowed to want things.


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