Hello there, friends. So, on the topic of vajazzling, as the application of gemstones in various patterns on the mons pubis is known*, there are a great many questions. So many, in fact, that I've decided to create a post about the subject. Feast your eyes on the subject that is so taboo that literally NO ONE has spoken about it for many years, until now, that is.**
Since the gemstones are applied to the mons pubis region, and not the actually vagina, from where did the misnomer "vajazzle" come?
This is a topic which has left scientists perplexed for decades. Some posit that the original application of the stones in the internal, or "vaginal" area left couples who tested out the original design feeling that there was something to be desired. Some may have complained of chafing to the genitals, while others found the idea of applying the gemstones to an area that cannot be, by regular methods, seen, to be distasteful. Regardless of the objections to the original method, this method of application was soon fell by the wayside as newer, more advanced methods of gemstone application emerged.
Is there a reason women are compelled to "vajazzle"?
This is yet another unanswered query which has scientists divided. It is believed that women who vajazzle, known as "vajazzleteers" are recruited by other women who began the vajazzling movement, who are colloquially referred to as "vajazzleaders." These vajazzleaders began the movement towards the application of gemstones on the pubic region in the pre-WWII era as a way of ridding themselves of excess gemstones which were believed to be overly gaudy in the depression era. Of course, some believe that this very gaudiness of the gemstones is what caused the pioneering vajazzleaders to begin vajazzling, as in an era of such austerity, the sparkle of a vagina would erupt in near-riots of joy from the downtrodden men- and women-folk who glanced upon them. In any case, the vajazzleaders were forced to operate on the underground, as it was popularly believed at the time that gemstone-laden genitals might lead to wild fornication outside of the safe confines of marriage.
I've heard of vajazzling, but did men ever glue gemstones on their genital regions?
It was believed for many years that vajazzling stood on its own, with no masculine counterpart. However, new research has shed light on a comparable male phenomenon known as "Dickdazzle"*** which, like vajazzling, involves application of gemstones, in this case, on the upper-penisian region. Like the vajazzle, the gemstones on a dickdazzle are arranged into a design of the wearer's choice, including, but not limited to: a partner's initials, key sensual phrases, ponies, smoochy lips, or a unicorn. Unlike the vajazzle, however, the dickdazzle remained an isolated phenomena, as the movement towards dickdazzling petered out soon after the early, heady days of its initial prominence in post-war America.
Should I vajazzle or dickdazzle? Or: Will my partner love me more if I vajazzle/dickdazzle?
While this answer is a broad generalization, we feel the answer is "yes". Your partner is most likely bored to tears with your dingy, fuzzy, lackluster private areas. They want to break up with you/divorce you, and who can blame them? All you do is nag! Would it kill you to take care of yourself, perhaps in the guise of applying gemstones to your genitals in the shape of a flower, or a strawberry? That would make him/her change their minds, unpack their suitcases, and call off their affairs. Just slap some sparkles on that dick/vagina, and all your relationship woes will be finally solved for good.
*I did absolutely no research for this post other than finding a picture for it, so I'm not entirely sure that this is the definition. But since I can't be bothered, this will remain the working definition for the vajazzle.
**I made all of this up.
***Did I just coin a new term? Make sure to credit me when using it.