I posted it in FIF, but I feel so defeated today. I actually cried this morning. And panicked to the point where I couldn't breathe. It's been a while since I've actually felt so damn down. And now I'm beat.

My midterm? I failed it. I just want to graduate. I missed a lot of class due to health reasons. Not an excuse, but one almost sent me to the hospital. My professor knows I have some type of disorder, but it's like, I feel like I need to explain it. The only solution from now until I meet him is to watch all the lectures I missed.

Which I would do right now. Or should. I need to.

But...

The paper needs to get done. And I can't even look at my research without hanging my head.

And...

I couldn't concentrate at the gym, but I got through it. My trainer put me on a hydrotherapy bed to stop the anxiety shakes. It worked.

Except...

Now I'm sitting in a dark, unbearably messy room, feeling like my body is made of jello, craving chocolate and wine-even though it's noon and I know I'm not supposed to eat chocolate (just trying to ween myself off), and kinda loosing it.

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I know I'm whining and that my problems can be easily solved. I'm going to the library tomorrow, and hope I can get at least something done today. Anything.

I haven't felt this feeling in a while. I've been unbreakable lately. Now I'm off my game, frustrated, and the worst part?

I'm aware of all of it. And it hurts like Hell.

TL;DR: Feel like shit. I know I can do something about it, but I don't have anything in me.