Hey all! I've been quiet lately, focusing on school and work. I had a fibromyalgia flare that took a lot out of me. But today makes it a month since I've drank alcohol. I've gained a new perspective on how I want to move forward.
I had told myself that I'd quit drinking for a month. My spouse and my best friend have said how proud they are of me. I would be more proud of myself now if it hadn't been so easy to quit. It's been stupidly easy, especially compared to how difficult I thought it would be. I didn't have any dreams about drinking (unlike all the addicts that I know after they quit), and I only had two cravings (once on the weekend when I was really bored, the other was after a horrible day at work with a creeper that actually made me fear for my safety). It gave me a lot of time to think about how I spend my time, how I handle my feelings, and how I want to live.
I found that I enjoy drinking, but I use it as a reward in some not-so-great ways. I'll do all my homework so that I can start drinking. That's not a great motivation system. More disturbingly, I do tend to ignore my feelings when I drink.
So I'm not going to quit drinking forever. Instead, I'm going to be much more mindful of when I'm drinking and why. If I'm upset or bored or lonely, I won't drink. I'm also going to stop buying a shit-ton of Two Buck Chuck so I can get shitfaced for as cheap as possible, and instead try different beers like I would try fancy cheeses. Alcohol should be a sensory experience, not just "let's ignore life for a few hours" experience (which is what it has been since the rapes). My counselor has me focused on acknowledging my feelings are they happen and naming them, so drinking every night is a thing I just cannot do anymore. I'm okay with that; I know I can do that.
So in celebration of my accomplishment and my new perspective, I'm trying a new beer. I heard about Dogfish Head's Ancient Ales line in a Cracked article and I knew I had to try them! Dogfish Head teamed up with an archeologist to recreate beers from history. Isn't that fantastic? I called up a store and they had the Midas Touch beer in stock.
(Image credit: Dogfish Ales)
It's sweet but not gross. I'm diggin' it. So, what are all your successes this week? Or this month? What are you happy about? Share them with me!