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Oooh my god here comes my bridesmaid dump post…

Fuck family and fuck weddings.

My younger sister, K (24 years old), is getting married in October. My older sister, L (28), and I (25) are her bridesmaids. We knew it was going to be difficult because she’s the first of us to get married, she doesn’t know what she wants and she doesn’t know what’s expected when it comes to weddings.


General gripes include my mom taking turns wanting to insert herself where it’s not appropriate because she eloped and regrets it, and completely dropping the ball on other things. This is a pick your battles situation which I’m mostly getting second hand via both my sisters.

Biggest gripe goes to her dickbag of a fiancé, J, who is religious as hell. Like, thinks the earth is only 2600 years old religious. I thought K had settled on keeping her name or hyphenating when I get this text from L saying that J told K that if she doesn’t change her name then they can’t start their own family. He was like ‘so if you hyphenate, you’re half mine and half theirs?’ PARDON ME AS I RAGE STROKE. He also ascribes to that wives should be submissive bullshit. This is my sister, this is not how we were raised. I can’t tell if this is what she believes or if he’s manipulating her. And I don’t want her to feel forced into the wrong choice/situation because she’s a pushover. Her defining characteristic is being thoughtful of others and I hate the thought of him using this the wrong way.


The other gripe is again about my mom and is the impetus for this post. One of my aunts has a husband who was married before they were married and has an adult daughter from that first marriage. This woman has always been on the chubby side and has been through some shit (sister died of leukemia when they were in their late teens, parents divorced, mother is a very difficult person from what I can tell). When she was young, she’d sometimes eat so much that she’d have to puke it up. Again, this would be when she was in her late teens, maybe early 20’s. K didn’t invite her to the wedding or bridal shower. Fine, it’s your wedding, whatever. But my aunt was talking about K’s bridal shower happening in a couple weeks to my step-cousin who was obviously put off that she wasn’t invited. She hasn’t been around as much as my other cousins but she’s still my cousin. Anyways, I guess the reason why K didn’t invite step-cousin to the wedding and bridal shower is that she thinks she’s a disgusting pig and is annoying. I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve seen step-cousin since we’ve become adults so I have no idea where K formed that opinion of her other than step-cousin is visibly quite large. My mom, L and I were talking about it on Facebook chat and my mom said

“Rory*, step-cousin will stuff her face full of food and then throw it up because she is so stuffed


she is f——ing gross with food

K says she is a negative person”

SECOND RAGE STROKE OF THE DAY. K does not know step cousin to know how she eats or her demeanor. And even if she did, you hardly have 3 minutes to talk to each guest at your own wedding so suck it up and invite her. Not worth hurt feelings.


Anyways, I don’t know if I’ll ever get married because of this kind of bullshit. Normal people are turning into sociopaths because of it. And my dad says L and I aren’t allowed to having wedding morning mimosas because K has incorrect notions of what the drink does to people. One half glass of champagne does not a belligerent drunk make.

*My mom calls me Rory sometimes. And blanks out her own swears on Facebook, apparently.

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