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Overstaying one's welcome

Why would I ever think my mother could be a normal person? I have 39 years worth of evidence to the contrary. She lives two hours away and came down for Thanksgiving. I've made it abundantly clear that she can't stay under the same roof as me, so she stayed at a nice little hotel. I was cool with her extending her stay a day so she could spend time with Little GV without stressing about the drive home. Then yesterday she announces she has extended another day. The little voice in the back of my head says "this isn't good."

By now I've put much of my weekend on hold to spend time with her, including spending $84 I don't have (in addition to the $100 she owes me for bailing her out of a traffic stop and loaning her gas money) to extend her pawn loan and make sure she doesn't lose the last bit of valuable jewelry she has (she's had to sell everything of value to support herself over the years). I'm really trying to figure out how to have a semblance of a relationship with her after a bunch of shit she's pulled over the years (not including childhood). Mostly it's so that she and Little can have a relationship, but I still harbor this hope that she and I will be ok someday.


Last night she asked that I text her when I got up, which I did. Our understanding was that she was going to do some laundry here and visit her mother (in a memory care facility) than we would do some shopping. We texted back and forth a couple times and I busied myself for a bit knowing that she's chronically late. Three hours elapses and nothing. I text her that I'm not happy, that her behavior is rude and I'm going to run some errands if I don't hear from her. She calls and we get into it. Same shit, different day. I raise my voice because she won't stop talking. She starts hollering. She says she's on her way and I tell her I don't want to see her and she should go home. Of course, she comes over because boundaries mean nothing to her. Her time and her needs always come first. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was talking on the phone with friends and bitched at me for not calling her, that she doesn't want to text and that most people she knows don't communicate by phone much. I pointed out that if everyone she knows texts, maybe she's the inflexible one. This was after plenty of communication via text all weekend. Apparently, this is one of the many unfair "rules" by which she feels she is forced to abide in order to spend time with me. Wow, be considerate and respect my boundaries? OH NOES.

At least I know for sure that she can only be a normal person for about two days. This is all compounded by the fact that I've been off psychiatric meds for almost a week (insurance BS) and am pretty fragile. She knew this, but I really don't think she believes that I have the issues I do.


Now I have to go back to limiting communication content to my daughter or her mother. The fucked up bit is that this isn't even the worst. I'm trying really hard not to let this ruin my day. I have a real advent calendar for Little GV and I want to go buy tiny things to put in the compartments.

I feel like a fucking idiot. She'll never change because she doesn't see a problem. It's always someone else's problem.

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