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Painful anniversaries (tw suicide)


So this past week marked the one year anniversary of my friend John’s death (name changed). He took his own life. It’s hit me a lot harder than I was expecting. I knew this week would be difficult, but I’ve had a hard time just getting out of bed and doing really basic self-care things. I’ve been sick to my stomach for days/had no appetite, anxious, angry, numb, pretty much the gamut of grief related feelings.

I skipped one of my classes yesterday and ended up calling in to work so I could take a mental health day. We didn’t have any patients scheduled and there’s enough coverage at the office, and I figured it would be better for me to do it now and get regrouped some, instead of pushing through when it’s about to be a busy weekend. It’s mostly fun social halloweeny things going on, but to be honest, I want to feel recharged so I can participate and get some support and connection with friends, instead of feeling drained and tempted to isolate myself.


I know it’s aggravating my PTSD. It’s just hard to talk about it with anyone. I have therapy next week, and my doctor prescribed Klonopin at my last antidepressant refill appointment for panic/anxiety as needed. It’s a low dose and mostly for period related anxiety but it’s helped me keep from flying completely off the handle this week.

If anyone has advice for dealing with bad anniversaries, i’d appreciate it. I mostly just needed to get this off my chest.

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