Soooooooo long story short, there is a great deal of white latex-based paint in places where it shouldn't be—namely, my brick hearth and the glass-and-metal fireplace screen. And it won't. Come. Off.
I've tried scraping, which is excessively tedious and minimally effective. I've tried paint thinner, which was not effective at all. I've tried scrubbing it with a textured scrub pad and various cleaning solutions—nada.
If any of you lovely Groupthinkers knows things about paint and de-paintifying things, please let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!