I swear, I'm going to need an alibi pretty soon, unless I can find a place where matricide is totally legal.

I have had to explain to my mother repeatedly what a browser is. I have to explain to her that her email password is not the same as her router password. She's refusing to call Verizon to get her email password reset, and wants me to come over (AGAIN) to do it for her. I have a feeling that she just bought a new computer because her email password wasn't working, because she really, REALLY does not understand what a fucking browser is. She's refusing to use a flash drive to back up her documents, and is really upset that her new computer doesn't come with Microsoft Works, which was discontinued by Microsoft, but this is apparently my fault. No, she won't use Open Office or Google Docs, SHE WANTS WORKS, DAMMIT.

The kicker? She was a developer. Like, her job was computers. I have to hear about this any time she has to admit that she doesn't know what something is. "I'm not stupid, you know! I coded in C!"

ONE OF THOSE STATEMENTS IS TRUE AND THE OTHER FALSE.

Even better, she's begun blaming her husband and my children for things going awry. I'm waiting for her to blame the dog next time she can't find a file.