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Patty pan squash, what is your deal? I’m not supposed to peel you, according to the internet, but I can’t actually chew and swallow your rind. Plus you’re impossible to peel without also peeling the fingers off my hand.

You’re shaped like an idiot. You taste like a turnip (copycat). I don’t know how I want to chop you!

I hate every year, when I get my bundle of stuff from the farmers’ market, and look in there and there is this moron squash in there. I always go, GODDAMMIT, you again. Then I make a stir fry, using all the vegetables left in my fridge, which is obviously your stupid squash face because you’re such a pain in the ass. There you sit, in my stir fry, with your idiot rind.


None of this is even a little my fault. I am 0% at fault for any shortcomings in a patty pan squash-related meal.


Any other vegetables we want to gang up on tonight?

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