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I need some support.

My BF is in a graduate psychology program, I’m still working on my undergrad. We will be attending the same school as of next week, but he lives an hour away and commutes (I live in the city where our university is).

We’ve had a nice winter break where we’ve been able to spend a little extra time together, but during the school year, we are lucky to get to see each other once every week to ten days, sometimes two weeks. Frankly, it sucks and I wish I could see him more often, but I knew what we were getting into with our schedules the way that they are. We love each other and have a wonderful time when we are together. My only real complaint is that I don’t see him as often as I’d like to.


We had a talk last night where he essentially told me that he loves me and likes what we have together, but that he’s not going to be ready to make long term plans or talk about engagement/moving in/any steps towards commitment beyond the foreseeable future until he finishes his master’s in 2 years. He told me it has nothing to do with me, and that it’s not that he doesn’t want something more with me, but he feels like it would be unfair to tee me up for something or get my hopes up when he’s unsure what the next two years of coursework will ask from him, because his education is his first priority. He wants us to continue what we have but says he can’t make promises beyond what we’ve got going currently (which is exclusively dating, seeing each other once a week/week and a half, and talking on the phone a few times a week.)

On one hand, I think that’s reasonable, and despite being very much in love I know deep down I’m not ready for making long term plans either. We’ve only been dating since September, so it feels pretty premature to take bets on what it may look like in a year or so. Also, I’m in a new city and starting at a new university, and not being able to hang out as much as I’d like will hopefully aid me in making other connections and whatnot in my new surroundings.

I told him that I was willing to let things move along at a slower pace while we are both focused on our individual goals, but that naturally, if this continues there will come a point in the next year where a serious talk about the future will need to take place. (basically, “I get what you’re saying, heavy discussions don’t need to happen yet, but I won’t languish in waiting forever.”)

I know it’s hard for me to relate to his workload or the level of seriousness he feels currently because that’s just not where I’m at yet academically. (Not that I don’t take my studies seriously, quite the contrary, but I know his workload is far greater than mine.) I just...I don’t know. I’m bummed. I’m not ready to cut this loose yet, because there’s a lot of good stuff going on between us. I’m just sad that I won’t get to see him often I guess.


Can anyone relate to this? Am I making sense? I want to cut him slack and give him space to be successful and focused, but I don’t want to fold completely on my needs either.

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