Sooooo

After being engaged for three years and together for six, today I finally offered up the news that I just can't sit around and wait to start my life. I'm 35 and still want to have at least one baby before it's all over, dumb though it may be for me to want that, and I just can't sit and wait for the wheels to start turning.

We had a conversation about six to eight months ago where we had a similar conversation - I laid out the same problems, pointed out that I wanted things to start moving, and got a whole bucketful of promises that things would be better. And here we are, eight months later, and there's still a lot of "Oh, but I'm still trying to make things better."

Add to all of this that I've had to move to North Carolina for this relationship when I should be back home in Northern California where I can watch my beautiful nieces grow up rather than squeezing in a couple of weeks now and then... I just can't.

Lots and lots of crying tonight, from both sides. A few recriminations, but mostly just a lot of crying with a hint of denial mixed in for good measure. I just... I just have to get into a position where I can find someone who's ready to pull the trigger. And I need to get my ass back home.

So basically, I don't have nearly enough drugs to numb the pain and whining on GT seemed like a PRETTY natural fit with all of this. Ugh, ugh, ugh.