I have found that people find it jarring when I take responsibility for my fuck ups.
I’m not totally sure why that is, but my thought is that a lot of people are uncomfortable with taking responsibility for their own fuck ups, and so they’re not used to seeing others do that. There seems to be a pretty widespread belief that taking responsibility means failure. That it means if you make a mistake once and own it, you must make a lot of mistakes, because why else would you be upfront about it right off the bat? You must get people telling you you messed up a lot and you’re trying to get out in front of it. Or, why take responsibility if no one asked anyway? If you could “get away with it” or even blame someone else, why wouldn’t you?
I own every mistake I make, especially at work. I would be more embarrassed to be a grown-ass woman trying to blame someone else for something than I would by being a human person who is unfortunately not infallible. Sometimes I act too quickly or forget to do things. A lot of my missteps are also a result of my ADHD, but they are still my own missteps. My brain is trying to sabotage me, sure. But ultimately there are ways I can improve my work and my actions. It is within my power to behave in a way that is almost completely societally acceptable, and when I don’t act that way, it’s because I got ahead of myself or I overestimated my ability to remember a thing or I didn’t ask for help when I needed it (or I forgot to take my meds).
This all seems to self-evident to me, and yet I always get the strangest looks when I say, “yep I fucked that one up pretty good” (which, it’s rare that I actually fuck things up, but you get what I mean). I’ve had people try to take responsibility off me and put it on someone else and I honestly am not okay with that. Like I get it and I appreciate the thought, but I made a mistake too. I’m a relatively well-adjusted adult and I can handle the heat. And when I feel like I can’t, I really have to think about why. I would hope that other people could do the same.