This morning, while I was smoking on the back patio, I hear liquid running. I turn around and saw my pit bull pissing in the sand box like a fucking cat. She looked at me like

when I yelled at her to stop.

So then I had to scoop pee-mud out of the sandbox. And there was a lot because this pit bull had saved up all night. So I was all

As I was scooping, I saw two little sandy clumps off to the side. I was like

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until I realized they were tiny turds from my mini-dacshund.

So I cleaned everything out and got my girls ready to leave for school. My oldest wanted to cuddle the puppy before we left. I hear her yell, "Mom! Pepper pooped in her kennel! A huge poop! Smell my hands!" And I was all

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So no treats for my dogs today, because they're assholes.