fig. 1 this picture looks uncannily like my father did, and therefore uncannily like me

Hello hivemind. For the very first time ever, PhDad is going to offer a service that literally billions of people have in no way requested. As you can tell by my screen name, I not only have a PhD, I have also contributed to the genetic makeup of one or more humans. I'm not saying I have a PhD in dadding, but that's only because I don't. However, I do know a thing or two about fathers, and what fathers like, and also about giving weird advice based on minimal information. So don't pass up this opportunity. Give me a brief description of your father (a few sentences; haiku and triolets are also acceptable. No sestinas.) and I will give you โ€” in a later post โ€” a personalized by PhDad gift suggestion experience, guaranteed* to be considered adequate by your father/step-father/half-father/father-figure/Fadda/Big Pappi. This is a limited time offer! Void where prohibited! No animals were harmed in the posting of this post. Always observe posted speed limits.

*not a guarantee