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The Double-Edged Doctor Who Sword that is Steven Moffat's Rose

In my excitement over Billie Piper's triumphant return to Doctor Who for the 50th anniversary special, I've made the hard decision to bump out my beloved Eccleston to make her my avatar — at least until the special airs and then I can be all disappointed in Moffat anew.

If you can't see the picture, here it is:


We'll get back to those glow-y eyes in just a second.

So here's the thing. I really, really hate the way Moffat has written Rose in the past. As a quick refresher, Moffat's Rose episodes include: The Empty Child, The Doctor Dances and The Girl in the Fireplace.

The first two were the WWII episodes from Series 1 with Eccleston where Rose falls in love with handsome Captain Jack after he saves her because she's literally dangling from a blimp and in danger of being blown up mid-air — because she didn't listen to the Doctor. Rose, smitten with the handsome captain, side-lines poor 9 despite the fact that the two had clearly been falling in luvvv up until this point. The two TimeDudes battle over whose sonic power is the biggest, and it ends with 9 "claiming" Rose through THE POWER OF DANCE.


He also makes a joke about "craving" blondes in front of a group of children. Because Moffat's the worst.

But I actually hate his second outing more. The Girl in the Fireplace, Moffat's first Time Traveler's Wife story line in which the 10th Doctor ditches Rose and Mickey, leaving them in peril, to go make out with Madame de Pompadour — who he first appears to as a child.*


Someone once said that if you swapped 10, Mickey and Rose with 11, Amy and Rory, that episode would be absolutely the same because pre-established relationships are totally ignored in favor of some good old-fashioned, "The Doctor is a Sex God" bullshit.


What I'm driving at is that Moffat doesn't understand Rose's place in this show. She isn't just "some chick," she's not a damsel, she's not the Doctor's side-piece. She's her own person and she grew a lot during her time on Who. What worries me about the promotional material is that it looks like Moffat has actually given up even trying to write Rose at all, which seems like a good thing except that instead it appears he'll be fucking with Bad Wolf instead.

Bad Wolf is one of those story lines that was executed so perfectly that I really, really would prefer that Moffat not fuck with it. But I also don't want Rose to be a shape-shifter *and* I don't trust Moffat to make this a Future!Rose who'll just cat-fight with Clara. But given Rose's futurelady attire, she has to be one or the other. (I'm even getting a bit of a wink-y 'wolf in sheep's clothing' vibe from her outfit).


So I guess what I'm saying is: I love you, Billie, but I can't see any positive outcome of your being in this special without Moffat really fucking with some beloved and long-buried canon. And shouldn't we be able to expect a show runner to write a single female character without either fucking her up? Because God help Clara, who allegedly has another "Impossible Girl" storyline in the pipes for the next series.

*Can someone tell Moffat that women do not desperately want to bone figures from their childhood and/or imaginary friends? I do not get hot thinking about The Man in the Yellow Hat, Moff.

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