One of my friends started using heroin again. He started with poppy tea a few months ago, overdosed (how the fuck do you overdose on poppy tea?) and now he's doing the H again.
There isn't anything I can do for him but I try to talk to him when he needs to talk. The problem is, though, that when he's using he loves to talk about using. I can't be around that. I fucking love heroin, I admit it, and the more he talks about it the more I think about it and that really, really scares me.
I feel bad for him because many of our mutual friends dropped him when our other friend got thrown in jail. The popular opinion is that Relapsed Friend is the reason our other friend is in jail, and it's technically true; they were both being foolish and thought that they were invincible but only one of them is paying the price for it.
At this point, though, I've decided that my own wellbeing takes priority over my friendship with Relapsed Friend. I can't help him and if talking to him is going to be harmful to me I have to not talk to him.
I still feel like I'm shunning someone in a time of need, but his whole life is a time of need and he damages people around him with little or no concern about them.
I'm sharing this with you guys because the only person who knows about any of this would be worried sick if I shared it with him and I don't want to do that.
It's hard, though. I'll check in with him once in a while to make sure he's not dead (or if his sis asks me again if I've heard from him lately because she hasn't) but I can't be around these kind of people, anymore.
Harsh? I don't think so, but maybe I'm selfish.