I'm just in a pissy mood tonight. I don't know why. I just bitched at my husband that he was annoying and he should just go to bed and leave me alone. It was mean. I admit it. But I'm so mad. I'm resentful I have to get up and pump in the middle of the night while he sleeps next to me. Sure he'll get up with the baby except she never gets up. She never slept more than 5 hours for me until the week before I went back to work. Then he wants to tell me I can't keep score just because I was with her 12 weeks. Um no fuck you. I will go out once in a while without you bringing it up that you haven't "gone out with the guys". Well excuse me while you have gotten to live your fucking life for the last 3 months while I've been depressed and tethered to a baby. He can be such a shithead sometimes. I'm mad at myself too. My OB called to check in on me. I signed a consent form allowing her to talk to my therapist. We all agree Zoloft isn't working but a psychiatrist can't see me until the end of January so my OB wants to see if the therapist can recommend something she can prescribe me to try in the meantime. She also asked how I was doing. You guys I lied and said I'm doing fine. I don't know why I did that. It's like I feel like I'm letting people down to admit I'm struggling. She asked if I wanted to schedule an appointment to see her but I declined because ultimately I decided it wouldn't do any good. And my throat hurts so I bet I'm getting sick.