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Things I overheard at a wedding (all said by the same person)

This weekend was the wedding of one of my husband's very good friends. It was a very nice, normal wedding (much unlike this one). However, he was in the wedding party, so I was stuck at a table with the girlfriends of the other two groomsmen. One, I like enough (I will call her vegan girlfriend). The other? One of the most obnoxious people I have ever met (she was the best man's groomsman). Here is a sample of the things I overheard her say at both the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception.

(Bride is talking to someone else)."BRIDE! BRIDE! Are you going to change your name on Facebook right away? One of my friends changed it RIGHT AWAY."


(Bride and best man say goodbye, do a silly handshake) Her: "BEST MAAAAAN. That is OUR thing. Why did you do it with bride?" Bride: "Uh....I take it back?...." Her:"It's okay Best Man, she took it back."

(Vegan girlfriend says something about appreciating that the bride and groom made sure there was a vegan meal for her and her vegan groomsman) "Well maybe by the time I have my wedding in two years you will decide to like chicken again" (Note: She is not engaged.)

Later....after eating the vegan's cheese from her salad, candy from wedding gift, and cake and ice cream "I'm glad you're vegan because that means more food for me!"

To best man's good friend sitting across from us: "You know you are going to be the best man in our wedding. BEST MAN already told me. You should pay attention to his speech because you're going to have to do one for us!"


To the friend of the groom who played violin at the ceremony: "I kept watching you because in MY WEDDING this guy (points to best man's good friend) is going to be the best man but he's ALSO going to sing and I just don't know if that is going to work. How will that work? I'm so stressed out about it." Musician: "Uh....it will work fine."

Her, to best man's good friend: "Why aren't you drinking?" Him: "I'm studying for the bar. I can't drink tonight. I'm actually going to leave right after dinner to study." Her: "WHAT, YOU HAVE TO DRINK! IT'S THE GROOM'S WEDDING!!!!! COME ON!!!!" Him: "It's the bar. It's kind of big deal." Her: "COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A DRINK!!!!!! DON'T YOU WANT TO DRINK WITH ME?!??!?!?!"


(About 50 times) "At MY WEDDING we are going to do (insert random thing here)."

Me, the entire time:

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