I am getting married in the spring. Planning has been relatively free of annoyances from family, except for my fiance's mother throwing multiple fits over our guest list. For months, she refused to accept that the maximum guests we can afford is 100 people, which means that we cannot afford to invite every member of her side of the family, nor can we invite her friends. Her family already comprises slightly over 1/4 of the guest list as-is. As a compromise, she mentioned that she may throw a brunch for us in her my fiance's hometown, where she invites those who (whom?) we couldn't fit on our guest list. Now, the idea has morphed into us doing our auf ruf (Jewish celebration done during Shabbat services the week before the wedding) in his hometown, and having the brunch then. She's suggesting doing it a little earlier, 3 weeks before instead of a week before... but this is an absolute inconvenience for us. It's a 6 hour drive from us to to his hometown. I can't take any more time off of work, so we'd have to leave at 6 or 7 pm the night before... and we lose an hour getting there. We can't afford to fly because we are devoting that money to our wedding and honeymoon... So we'd have the party, stay Saturday night, and then turn around to head back.

I am a lawyer working at a small firm and it is going to be absolute hell for me in the weeks leading up to the wedding for me to be able to take off work for my honeymoon. Add to this that I will be finishing my Jewish conversion that same month, so I'll have to write 9 essays, sit for the bet din, and arrange time to go to the mikva... along with making the favors for the wedding and having final meetings with vendors, etc. It is really an inconvenience, as much as I hate to say that, and I would like to suggest that the event be reframed as a couples shower held much earlier (like February!) or a party following the wedding, as was originally suggested.

Do I look ungrateful and unreasonable suggesting this? I don't want to cause more strife. I already had a fight with my fiance because he thinks I don't like his mom. (His mom is having major trouble with the notion of him getting married, and she says extremely bizarre things to me, specifically when he is not around, so she makes me really uncomfortable.)