Beyoncé is killing it, naturally. (Yes, another Beyoncé post).
I know not everyone digs Beyoncé, especially this album. It is somewhat disjointed. She does a lot of weird things and the lyrics are sometimes graphic enough to make me feel like I'm blushing. But girl owns it, IMO.
I made the mistake of underestimating how powerful Beyoncé's new album would be. I bought it on Sunday but didn't get around to listening to it until this morning. I've been through it twice and a couple of songs are fast becoming my jams. We're also reaching Peak Ovulation Hormones (not that I ovulate, thanks NuvaRing!) so I'm feeling everything a bit more than usual. Normally I don't see a spike in monthly feels, but I think the weather + being broke a lot + job grumpiness have put me in a different way than I'm usually in.
Anyways, I'm going to rig something up where the first song I hear every morning is Flawless. This song kills it.
I woke up like this
We flawless, ladies tell 'em
Say I, look so good tonight
God damn, God damn
Say I, look so good tonight
God damn, God damn, God damn
I can picture myself, glass of wine in one hand, liquid liner in the other, getting my drank on before heading out on the town. Or, err, coffee in hand getting ready for work. Love the way she says 'flawless'. God damn, god damn, god damn!
I would like to have sex to Blow, Drunk in Love and Rocket. Rocket is distracting. And Parition, of course, but I'm in love with the beginning part, Yoncé. Yoncé is actually the reason I bought the album. I had been wanting it since it came out but last week I heard a remix of Yoncé and craved more.
I had been kind of avoiding Drake in general. I only really know that one song – you know the song. But he kind of won me over with Mine. Or maybe it's just the lines
Stop making a big deal out of the little things
Cause I got big deals and I got little things
Got everything I'm asking for but you
Stop making a big deal out of the little things, let's get carried away
Come right now, you know where I stay
Biggie Talls and I run on slightly different life plans. It's no problem right now because we'll be but 26 this year but… I don't see things being as big a deal as how he sees them. Or perhaps I just want them more so I've mentally made sacrifices, making the big things seem smaller? Anyway, I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked. I'd get a cute dress and we'd go to city hall and then we'd have dinner after with friends and family. But I think the social pressures in our region (where he grew up) have him convinced that marriage and kids is for Olds. You should be 30+. But I don't ascribe to that at all. I love living in the city but sometimes I feel like it puts you off. I don't like the rat race thing, the pressure to have a super awesome career. I want to do a job that I'm happy in, regardless of prestige. I want to get married and have babies and work at a bakery or something and just be happy forever. Beyoncé broke my brain today.
I hear Heaven and Blue through the mindset of one of my favourite blogger's recent miscarriage. This isn't something I've encountered personally in any way – having a miscarriage nor having a healthy child.
The clarity she has in Heaven is heartbreaking. "Heaven couldn't wait for you" – I'm not religious, or even spiritual really, but this line. I'm glad Beyoncé had support when went through this, and I hope her words go to create a better environment for people who go through what she and so many others have. Blue is the truest love song. I don't know what else to say. Knowing that the feelings she tried to put to words here to describe the love of her daughter don't even come close to how she actually feels… It's overwhelming.
Last, I would like to discuss XO. This song, guys. Again with the hormones, but it makes my heart feel three times its normal size. I don't get these feels as much as I used to (back when I smoked a lot of weed and just looking at my best friend would make my heart feel too big and full of love to be contained by my body – but pot's bad for society, guys) but it reminds me of my boy.
In the darkest night hour
I'll search through the crowd
Your face is all that I see
I'll give you everything
Baby love me lights out
Baby love me lights out
You can turn my lights out
My first and so far darkest hours – he was there (don't write about your feels at work, getting misty over here). I also literally search for his face a lot. Biggie is 6ft4, so I can spot him in a crowd easily. It's a cool novelty thing to be sure, but damn I love that guy. I swear, almost every time I see his face in the distance it's like when you spot your best friend at the train station and they haven't seen you yet or when you were young and you'd lose your parents for a minute in the grocery store but then you'd see them in the next aisle over.
I'm going to have to force Biggie Talls to listen to this song on loop so he comes to love it and then it becomes our song. This week's evil scheme.
For those of you who actually read through the 6000th Beyoncé post here – thanks! Sometimes I like to think I'm above the feels but clearly I am not. Would love to hear about your experiences/emotions with this album, if you haven't shared them yet or would like to do so again.