I went to the fancy grocery store and purchased a bunch of stuff I have never tried before. Mind you, I love most of this stuff in their neutral state (yes, even beets).

UPDATE: I HAVE ZERO REGRETS! EVERYTHING IS DELICIOUS!

I am copying some of the comments I have left below about each product.

1. The Maple Bacon chips: They taste far more baconey than mapley, but it’s like maple brown sugar. I can definitely taste the bacon fat. I couldn’t eat more than half a serving, but they are incredibly delicious.

2. The Cotton Candy Grapes: MY MIND IS OFFICIALLY BLOWN! I have not had such a weird visceral reaction to tasting something since the first time I flavor tripped on miracle fruits. It’s like a mix between cotton candy, a cotton candy flavored Jelly Belly, and a grape. It’s far too sweet for me to want to eat an entire bag in one sitting, but they are insanely good. I’m bringing a small bunch to work and making coworkers try them.

3. The Sweetfire Love Beets: These are fascinating! First you get hit with the vinegar so it’s slightly acidic. Then after a couple of chews you get the sweet earthy flavor of the beet, and after it finishes up with this punch of spiciness that just floods your mouth and the back of your throat. It’s a total adventure in one bite.

4. The Borgnine Coffee Soda: It has a thick beautiful foamy head. And it’s incredibly rich, like if someone made soda out of molasses. It’s got the flavor of an espresso mixed with caramel. Like, I can see enjoying the hell out of this as a winter soda. I don’t drink, but this is how I imagine people feel when they drink a Guinness.