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Poop – Grocery Bags = Apocalypse, Obviously

Dear Everyone Who Thinks Banning Plastic Grocery Bags Equals MOAR DOG POOP:

No. No it doesn't. It just doesn't.

I live in an area that voted over a year ago to "outlaw" plastic grocery bags. This happened because the LIBTARD ENVIRONMENTALISTS ARE TAKING OVER.


Just kidding! It happened because plastic grocery bags are a fucking mess. They blow around in the wind, they clog the gutters, they strangle and maim otherwise adorable sea creatures (dead beach animals are the worst kind of mess to clean up), and they otherwise suck in more ways I could list but won't to save time. Plus — hello! — there are numerous great alternatives. See: paper grocery bags.

"But what about the POOP, Dr Mrs?" you ask, "DO WE PICK IT UP WITH OUR BARE HANDS NOW, LIKE PROLS?!"

Obviously not, concerned dog-owner citizens! There are a myriad of poop picking up options. For one's individual yard you can use a paper bag — FROM THE GROCERY STORE, JUST LIKE THE PLASTIC BAGS OF YORE — and a pooper scooper thing to place the poop in the bag. It's actually easier than using a plastic bag, and you're less likely to get poop on your hands. (Don't lie. If you own a dog you've had its poop on your hands. That's how you know how much you don't want it to happen ever again and buy a scooper like a pro.)

BUT WHAT ABOUT WALKS. What about them? Plastic still exists, it's not gone from the earth entirely. I strongly recommend being a responsible pet owner and buying some goddamned poop bags off Amazon. Or using small kitchen garbage bags. Or, if the idea of paying for something to pick up after your pet's feces bothers you on principle, there's always the fruit and veggie bags at the market. Those are still plastic + free.


The point is, to bring this around into a meaningful conclusion, there is no correlation between OMGTHEPOOP and banning plastic grocery bags.


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