I'm a Kinja idiot and have no idea how to update my actual original post, so my apologies.
I got off work and went to the Thanksgiving dinner that my ex was also attending. I was pretty nervous about going, just because of all the feelings and crap that I mentioned in my previous post. But I did my best to pep talk myself and gain some confidence before heading over.
Well, I got there, and he and I were being pretty nice to each other. Since we work on Thanksgiving, my boss always sends us home with a few cases of beer and soda. I contributed all the beer to the Thanksgiving party, and distributed the soda amongst the friends, ex included. We were being completely fine and cordial with each other, and I thought all was going well...until...
I started to notice all the friends were giving me major side eye. There weren't too many people at the party, so most people were hanging out in one spot together including the ex, and when I came and joined the group I got some glares and a really terrible vibe. Everyone kind of regrouped and the majority of them went and gathered around him. It's like they're all treating him like he is made of glass. It was so awkward. They kept glancing from me to him, as though they expected some kind of blow up and were soooo concerned about him, etc. I wasn't even talking to him, or even looking at him really. Not to mention — WE WERE FINE. People were making a situation out of something that was not a situation at all. I tried my best to ignore it and just chat with folks, but I kept looking up and catching people looking at me, checking up on him, and I just felt extremely unwelcome and uncomfortable.
After less than an hour of being there, I decided this was not how I wanted to spend my Thanksgiving. I got up and said goodbye, told everyone to enjoy the beer and the cheesecake I had brought, and I made my way over to a different celebration I had been invited to. I am SO GLAD I went there instead of going home, where I would have cried myself to sleep. This group was full of people who actually wanted to see me and were happy to have me there, and it felt like balm on a wound. I ended the night feeling so much better than I had all day.
I'm really disappointed in the friends that treated me the way they did. I guess I'm not all that surprised, they're a bunch of mid-20's-mid-30's manbabies, so I shouldn't have expected them to be more mature. But I did. These were my friends too. I welcomed them into my home countless time, cooked for them, drank with them, gave them advice when they needed it...I was their friend. But since I cheated, they threw all that out the window and are holding on to their judgment instead. Safe to say they aren't the types who would be able to look at what I did and see that it wasn't some black and white situation with no nuance (is it ever?). But in a way I'm glad they were so obvious about it. People show you who they are with their actions, every day, and I'm getting better at paying attention to that. As hard as this is, it's nice to think that in a month or so, once the dust settles, I'll really know who I can count on, and who I should take an emotional step back from.
One of the worst parts of the whole thing was that I wasted the best damn cheesecake I've ever made on those jerks. It was a gloriously rich, silky smooth Guinness chocolate cheesecake, and I just left it there. Ugh.