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PPD and Depression suck. The internet can suck. You do not suck. You matter.

CW: pregnancy, depression, thoughts of suicide

OMFG what is happening today? I have so many internet places that have been so safe that are feeling not-so-safe.

A group I normally view as overwhelmingly amazing and positive exploded over a breastfeeding post. The post was about a sign shaming moms who were breastfeeding into not supplementing because formula is evil. The sign was factually inaccurate and in an OB’s office. Many people shared their awful experiences being formula shamed (myself included). People talked over all these moms who had had mental health struggles while also being shamed by medical professionals, other moms, family members.

A bunch of lactivists piled on and claimed that our experiences weren’t real and that they had it worse. Like it was a shitty situation competition. We were sharing our truths and just got jumped on. When I called people out for empathy, they jumped down my throat about “Breast is Best”. When I explained that it was THESE comments that made me contemplate if I should take my own life at the worst of my PPD (I had severe PPD despite starting meds the day my kid was born). It got better eventually but I was in danger for a long time.

A woman flat out said I should have killed myself because my kid would be better off without me if I could not breastfeed. I refuse to believe that is the truth. I am a stronger mom because of these struggles. I’ve fought so hard for my baby (who is now 2 and so determined, healthy, and happy despite me being a formula feeding “shitmom). If you’ve been talked over, if people don’t get it, just know you matter to me. And you matter to so many.

A good internet friend stepped in and got the thread closed because she didn’t want anyone who was in a low spot to ever think that was true.

I can say I woke up every morning for months believing this and it was not true. Had I not had some champions in my corner, I don’t know if I would have listened to those voices. I’m so sorry if you’re there right now but just know you do matter to lots of people. We all should probably tell one another that more often. But even though we don’t always say it, know that you matter to so many people. SO MANY.

I just wanted to tell you all that.

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