This is going to be another depressing post about my post partum depression and how terrible I feel. Feel free to just ignore anything I tag PPD if you are sick of reading about me feeling like shit.

So I've been a completely miserable person lately (as you all know I'm a ray of fucking sunshine around here too). My husband is so freaked out by my mood swings and the poor guy doesn't know how to help me other than to take Baby Haa out for a couple hours on the weekends. I'm not sure what I need him to do to be honest. I'm just miserable all the time. I hate everything and everybody. But I especially hate my life. I spend at least part of my day crying if not doing it on and off all day. I haven't seen my friends since a few weeks after Baby Haa was born, I can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and apparently they can't either. I haven't told anyone about the PPD but you guys and Mr. Haa. My mom will probably freak out on me and think I'm going to kill the baby. None of my friends have kids so they will probably think I'm horrible for not liking this. Yes, that's right. I don't think I like being a mom. I'm terrible at it. I have no patience, I get frustrated at the drop of a hat, she cries and I immediately can't deal with it. And my baby hardly fusses. What if she was colicky? So then it's a cycle. "You really are terrible. You have a really good baby and you don't like this. What's your excuse?" I don't know how I'm supposed to be a functioning human in society in less than 3 weeks when I go back to work. I feel so overwhelmed by just being at home with her all day.

I don't feel much different from when I started the anti-depressants 3 weeks ago. In fact, I think I feel worse. At least the mood swings are more extreme. I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I just needed to tell someone my horrible secret. Hopefully no one thinks I'm too awful.