Today marks the 18th anniversary of What's-His-Name and I hooking up. Thanks, tequila!

We are not huge fans of Valentine's Day. The whole thing seems rather pointless to me, blahblah show love every day blah. There's so much bullshit pressure to get a gift and candy and flowers and a card and and and and and. It's exhausting.

And did I say pointless? Because you know what? I don't want any fucking flowers. They take up space, the cat eats them and then they die and the water is the vase gets all funky and I can't get my arm down there to clean it. So, no flowers, thanks.

Candy? We still have Xmas candy in the house. Adding more to that would be ridiculous, especially with the whole "let's eat better and be all Fitness-y" thing that the beginning of the year always brings.

A gift? Well, meh. Jewelry is always nice because I like-a da sparkle, but... that's expensive and when you tell me that you've noticed there is dripping coming from the hot-water heater? Do not spend $$ on jewelry at that time, friend. We are clearly going to have to address the hot-water heater situation sooner rather than later (bye-bye, summer camping trip).

A card... maybe. But it would be better if you just TELL ME what you're thinking instead of relying on Hallmark to do it for you. Just tell me how awesome I am.

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Dinner? Oh god, no. After 18 years together, he has FINALLY learned that a "romantic" dinner is one where I am in my Comfy Pants and SOMEONE ELSE (him) is doing the cooking and the cleaning up. I do not want to dress up, because that is not my native costume and I feel uncomfortable and weird. I'd prefer to be comfortable, so if we MUST go out, let's go someplace where I can wear jeans!

After these many years, practical romance is my favorite kind. Don't buy me flowers - go out and dig the fucking garden so I don't have to. Don't buy me candy - fix the toilet seat that's been broken for two years. Don't get me a card - go get the oil changed in the truck because I keep forgetting to do it.

It truly is the "little" things. I don't want a grand gesture one day a year. I want all the small gestures, every day.