Welcome To The Bitchery

Prince Phillip: My Dream Man

You guys, I think I'm subconsciously in love with Sleeping Beauty's Prince Phillip. I've watched tonight's New Girl 3 times already, mostly because of Julian Morris' perfect hair (okay, and there's something about a man in a cardigan...). He's played Prince Phillip on Once Upon a Time, because of course. Confession: I have a thing for guys who look like Disney's Prince Phillip. There is a definite pattern in the guys I've been attracted to. The first guy I loved looked surprisingly like the Disney animated version.

There's something about this fictional, imaginary guy that I fell in love with when I was 5, and it's stuck with me. I can't figure out what it is.


I've found that not only is Sleeping Beauty my favorite Disney animated film (b/c it's the best), but it's also the fairy tale that affects me the most. There's something about the girl who doesn't know she's surrounded her heart with thorns and danger, and something about the guy who cuts through all of it to be with her. As a tween, that last bit was my favorite part.

I am not a nice person. My default setting is mean. It is very hard for me to be kind to people. I don't like "people." I wouldn't mind living in a cabin in the woods in the mountains where I hibernate all winter. I prefer to be isolated. I loved openly and honestly once, and when he decided it was over, I cried alone in my car. I wept less because it was over, and more over letting a boy hurt me like that. Since then, I realized, I surrounded my heart with acid and thorns.

Years later, I haven't found anybody who can cut through it all, who wants to fight through it to get to the good stuff. (It really is an amazing metaphor, isn't it?) Sure, in some light, Aurora is a prize to be won after defeating challenges. In another, though, she's oblivious to her situation until he wakes her up to it. She had met him, and pushed him away, and he still fought through the barricades to get to her. I see it less as a helpless girl being rescued (your typical damsel-in-distress of the original era) and more as someone who is unaware she's worth fighting for. She is mostly ignorant—she's lacking a lot of information (even before she's unconscious)—of the facts of the situation (her parentage, her birthright, the curse, et al.) and that part irks me, but it was the 1950s, so okay fine. But I really like that Disney allowed her to meet him before the curse is enacted, because in so many other versions, he's just some guy who's heard a rumor about a princess/prize who's been untouched for 100 years. What an a-hole. I love that they gave Phillip a personality.

And when I was five, apparently, I decided he was the perfect guy, and that ideal has stuck with me. Which is insane.


So I'm insane. At least I didn't decide on Robin Hood the Fox. Then I'd have to get a better therapist. (kidding—I get the thing about him. It's a swagger thing, isn't it?)


If only I could get my subconscious to stop telling me this is the perfect guy. Because he doesn't freaking exist, and I will exhaust myself waiting for him (because that's how it works—he comes to her.)

ETA: Seriously though. Such perfect hair:


Also, a google search makes him look super douchey, so I know for certain it's just the hair and the Subconscious Prince Phillip-ness.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter